Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Relentless White Linesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: edthepoet
    ASL Info:    47-m-Pa
    Elite Ratio:    4.72 - 1476/991/125
    Words: 114
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 639
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 814



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRelentless White Linesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Relentless White Lines

    Looking down upon where a body once laid

    The chalky outline looks very familiar

    Trying desperately to picture the space between the lines in 3D

    Tears begin to seep

    As the picture begin to appear

    The white chalk line suddenly disappears

    Leaving me wondering what is happening or has happened

    Fear command the reality and possibly the unconscious mind

    Filtering through the darkened bleakness to acquire the truth

    Stumbling mindlessly and cautiously upon the advantage of self-observation

    Am I witnessing from a heavenly view, a distressed dream

    or praying its an anxiety attack that soon to fade





    Submitted on 2009-04-02 22:12:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Oh wow... I'm SO happy to see you posting again... this will make me return to the site more often... that's for sure!

    This poem makes me feel as if you were in an accident or are the victim of a crime... and they've put the white lines around you, depicting the body... seems almost surreal... as if it's not happening to you and you're viewing from outside...

    Amazing word choice adding a poingnant, sorrowful feel to the piece.

    Great write!
    | Posted on 2009-04-03 00:00:00 | by Beulah | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    172880

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Dream written by closetpoet
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Whispered written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry