I could hear drums at the end of the second stanza. I liked it, it feels musical for me.
The doom, the doom, the doom, the doom. It remembers me of the warning bells in Alkan's "Fire in the Neighboor Village". Actually, the middle section of this piece fits perfectly both the poem and the picture.
I like the picture and how this is a cloud gazing sort of poem. I think, however, that without the picture I wouldn't have wanted to re read the poem the 3 to 4 times I did.
You know what I'd do, I'd scrap all but the last stanza and the go find a nice summery picture of a painting, where the artist smudged it up like a mo fo and then put some variation into two to three build up stanzas depicting summery stuff, some clear lines, some smudged ones (for the thinkers) and clear and smudged in a metrical sense too, link that baby up with some internal rhyme and nice sound and then let that last stanza drop as the bomb it should be instead of the bomb that sits there and doesn't go off...
"hey bill.... bill...is that a bomb over there in the yard?"
just my take and sense of what you were trying to achieve here.