Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Beesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: isselman2001
    Elite Ratio:    5.38 - 37/47/46
    Words: 107
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 720
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 679



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Beesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Upon the gorge, the sleepy plains
    The wind twirls like a dizzy top
    And dreams of yellow light and white
    Come dreaming through the fog.

    Upon a snowy fog-lamp day
    A man is moving through the hay
    As though descending through the gloom
    The doom, the doom, the doom, the doom.

    A foggy mistress comes to see
    Where can her snowy mister be?
    She shuts the door, begins to cry
    The snowy wind howls her reply.

    The forestís clothed in snowy bibs
    And bees are buzzing in their sleep
    And little children in their cribs
    Will weep and weep and weep and weep.




    Submitted on 2009-04-02 22:38:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I could hear drums at the end of the second stanza. I liked it, it feels musical for me.

    The doom, the doom, the doom, the doom. It remembers me of the warning bells in Alkan's "Fire in the Neighboor Village". Actually, the middle section of this piece fits perfectly both the poem and the picture.
    | Posted on 2010-07-27 00:00:00 | by pierrot | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the picture and how this is a cloud gazing sort of poem. I think, however, that without the picture I wouldn't have wanted to re read the poem the 3 to 4 times I did.

    You know what I'd do, I'd scrap all but the last stanza and the go find a nice summery picture of a painting, where the artist smudged it up like a mo fo and then put some variation into two to three build up stanzas depicting summery stuff, some clear lines, some smudged ones (for the thinkers) and clear and smudged in a metrical sense too, link that baby up with some internal rhyme and nice sound and then let that last stanza drop as the bomb it should be instead of the bomb that sits there and doesn't go off...

    "hey bill.... bill...is that a bomb over there in the yard?"

    just my take and sense of what you were trying to achieve here.
    | Posted on 2009-04-03 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    172884

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    This written by Chelebel
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Linger written by saartha
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Incubus written by monad
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry