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    dots Submission Name: Until The Carriage Comesdots

    Author: realpoet
    Elite Ratio:    6.51 - 904/475/311
    Words: 206
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 588
    Average Vote:    2.0000
    Bytes: 1050


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    dotsUntil The Carriage Comesdots

    I'm going away,
    gonnah do it today,
    don't beg me to stay
    'cause there ain't no way
    our love just ain't no more.

    It happened at our marriage
    you ex came up in a carriage
    to steal your love away from me,
    but you said he came to see his son.
    I know he came to have some fun.

    I've lived with this problem
    for a long long time
    Knew it couldn't work
    with your ex on your mind
    and those lies you've told
    thinking I was blind.

    I'll give you one more chance
    to change your mind and your dance.
    I married you for all,
    not a stud in another stall.
    Now it's up to you,
    Hope you throw the ball my way.

    I'm going away,
    gonnah stay stay a year
    until you can say
    you're the only one I love
    until the carriage comes
    for me from above.

    Submitted on 2009-04-02 23:47:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      hmm..... very good in how it can be read two ways almost. but.....marriage is such a big ball. i guess time can tell whether or not the ball is too big to carry. hmm. i like it.

    not much else. not sure how "grounded" the poem was. prolly took it the wrong way of the two, but still. later
    | Posted on 2009-04-03 00:00:00 | by cornonthekob | [ Reply to This ]
      realpoet, except that the verse lengths vary from 5 to 6 lines, I felt your poem was more about lyrics. It feels like a good sad song to me, yet still with a hope for a happy ending. Ted.
    | Posted on 2009-04-03 00:00:00 | by edcherry | [ Reply to This ]

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