Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dangers in the Darkdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: simpleandgreen
    Elite Ratio:    1.8 - 39/141/136
    Words: 250
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 838
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1564



    Description:
       I know it's a little out there but i feel that more people should start caring about the issues.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDangers in the Darkdots
    -------------------------------------------


    "It only happens in the day."
    Said the boy when he caught the sight,
    Of the dancing, flourishing, moon light.
    "Only when the sun comes out to play.

    Oh how wrong was the little boy!
    It doesn't matter if it's morning or noon,
    In fact more dangers would be coming soon.
    The little boy would not be jumping for joy.

    The little boy listened to what they all said.
    How the Sun was to blame for how the ice melts,
    How encouraged they all felt!
    He was told he was safe that night when he went to bed.

    He saw the future in his sleep.
    More and more died of heat stroke,
    Soon, there was no more old country folk,
    The water started rising, knee deep.

    Every thing happened at night, not day!
    The water dried up, no where to be seen,
    With all the floods, how quenched be might of been.
    As he watched the plants wither away.

    He also saw in his dream,
    How the atmosphere was thinning!
    The sun's rays were winning!
    He could hear infants cry and scream.

    He also saw what used to be the sky.
    What used to be saphire, was now grey.
    More pollutants rose as more people say,
    "Help! Were all gonna die!"

    The boy woke up with a horrid fright.
    The earth died and the fossil fuels won.
    The frightening damage was already done.
    "We are definatly not safe at night!"




    Submitted on 2009-04-03 15:17:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Very nice. The rhymes are good, but you could've worked more on making line-length regular. Also, there are a couple typos that you really should try to avoid in future writings.
    | Posted on 2012-05-14 00:00:00 | by WTKR | [ Reply to This ]
      You started the poem very well, the beginning reall stirred interest. the end however was kind of surprising, unlike what i expected. But it pleases me that there are people who write poems about the environmental crisis. Hats off to you for the theme!
    | Posted on 2009-04-04 00:00:00 | by rsujith | [ Reply to This ]
      mystify , my question is : What are the real dangers in the dark?, i like the way you put the passage together , leaving a upswing of a tale of intrigue , great poem
    | Posted on 2009-04-04 00:00:00 | by JoJoCrab | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    172912

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Summer written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Linger written by saartha
    To written by SavedDragon
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Bond written by saartha
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    Push written by JanePlane
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Wavelength written by saartha
    untitled written by Chelebel
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Incubus written by monad
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry