[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Untitleddots

    Author: Jeniffer
    ASL Info:    18/f/earth
    Elite Ratio:    5.76 - 240/279/81
    Words: 49
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 799
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 405

       Just a few short verses; everything I write of late just seems worthless to me, which is partly why I haven't posted in so long. This is one example of my most recent work.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Like the deepest rhythms
    The choreography of my dreams
    The earth speaks.

    Autumn says
    Step lightly;
    Each leaf was once green
    And precious.

    Winter fades into the subconscious,
    A lecture, pontificating;

    Spring whispers,
    Promises easily brushed aside
    That summer will throw into song.

    Submitted on 2009-04-06 19:12:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This untitled piece is excellent even though it is less concrete than most of your work. That may be some of the reason you are struggling with your writing. You are stretching into new areas, looking for new ways to express your place with the cosmos. Growth can feel awkward but you are rewarded.
    | Posted on 2009-06-23 00:00:00 | by my shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      Winter fades into the subconcious because most harsh experiences in the soul's rearview tend to be forgotten (even when they are cyclical). This post definitely is not worthless, but you seem to have had to wrestle it onto the page. I'll take more of this, ma'am.

    | Posted on 2009-04-07 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very nice piece. One that I will spend more time with in the future. I like that you touch on the four seasons here. The phrase that you turned, "Spring whispers, Promises . . . That summer will throw into song" especially caught my imagination. It's a very thoughtful piece here.

    One thing that didn't seem to mesh well was the aspect of winter. There seems to be an attempt to de-emphasize it's role. There should be more balance in it's expression.

    Really enjoyed it!!!
    | Posted on 2009-04-06 00:00:00 | by thepowerglider | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Fasade written by jackz
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Wavelength written by saartha
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by Chelebel
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Summer written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow
    One Day written by WriteSomething
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]