Untitled by Jeniffer

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Submission Name: Untitled dots

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Author:	Jeniffer
ASL Info:	18/f/earth
Elite Ratio:	5.82 - 236/266/76
Words:	49

Class/Type:	Poetry/Nature
Total Views:	100
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	405

Description:
Just a few short verses; everything I write of late just seems worthless to me, which is partly why I haven't posted in so long. This is one example of my most recent work.

Untitled dots

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Listen.
Like the deepest rhythms
The choreography of my dreams
The earth speaks.

Autumn says
Step lightly;
Each leaf was once green
And precious.

Winter fades into the subconscious,
A lecture, pontificating;

Spring whispers,
Promises easily brushed aside
That summer will throw into song.

Submitted on 2009-04-06 19:12:58 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
  This untitled piece is excellent even though it is less concrete than most of your work. That may be some of the reason you are struggling with your writing. You are stretching into new areas, looking for new ways to express your place with the cosmos. Growth can feel awkward but you are rewarded.
| Posted on 2009-06-23 00:00:00 | by my shadow | [ Reply to This ]
  Winter fades into the subconcious because most harsh experiences in the soul's rearview tend to be forgotten (even when they are cyclical). This post definitely is not worthless, but you seem to have had to wrestle it onto the page. I'll take more of this, ma'am.

Bill
| Posted on 2009-04-07 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a very nice piece. One that I will spend more time with in the future. I like that you touch on the four seasons here. The phrase that you turned, "Spring whispers, Promises . . . That summer will throw into song" especially caught my imagination. It's a very thoughtful piece here.

One thing that didn't seem to mesh well was the aspect of winter. There seems to be an attempt to de-emphasize it's role. There should be more balance in it's expression.

Really enjoyed it!!!
| Posted on 2009-04-06 00:00:00 | by thepowerglider | [ Reply to This ]

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