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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Forgottendots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Texan_Poet
    ASL Info:    20/F/daydreaming
    Elite Ratio:    5.7 - 127/123/48
    Words: 165
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Serious
    Total Views: 659
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1081



    Description:
       I know I have another poem that starts the exact same way (Heart of Diamond), but this is actually a poem I wrote about 2 and a half years ago, and what happened was that the first 5 or 6 lines just popped into my head one day in English, so I wrote them down, and later typed it into my laptop. Well, I wrote the rest of this poem, and saved it but forgot to delete the beginning I had saved. Well, I was cleaning out my files this year and I found the beginning, but not the full poem, so I wrote another to go with it. Lol, I know some of the rhyming is off, and it seems overkill on it also I'm sure. That is exactly why I try to avoid rhyming, but I did a little editing and decided to post it. Enjoy, you are the first ones to ever see this particular poem.

    Lady Rose


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Forgottendots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'm crying in the rain,
    I'm dying from this pain.
    My heart just keeps on going,
    But I think I feel it slowing.
    The blood from my open cuts is falling,
    And I can hear the darkness calling.
    Can you hear?
    It's whispering my name...
    Or am I just going insane?
    This crimson blanket can't keep me warm,
    I'm just a sacrifice for the coming storm
    The falling rain mixes with the salty redness pouring from my eyes,
    Reflecting the light my life so daringly defies.

    The blackness is clawing into my mind,
    And the truth of my secrets you never will find.
    I will lie here in this hole
    And pray for the reaper to claim my soul.
    I am the dreamer who is broken,
    The secret admirer that leaves the truth unspoken,
    The scorned lover that takes bitter-sweet revenge.
    I am the unforgiven and unredeemed
    In this silent midnight requiem.
    I am the quietly unwanted, the forever begotten
    I am... the forgotten.




    Submitted on 2009-04-07 09:40:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Wow Lady i love this, i agree with the redundant part, but your vocabluary and way with words makes up for that entirely, the beginging is a bit iffy but i absolutely love the ending, GREAT JOB!!!!!

    Cry
    | Posted on 2009-05-08 00:00:00 | by WhY-dO-yOu-CrY | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm biased I think, because I love poetry that imparts mood through the cadence of the words.

    I feel here as if this is a borrowed rhythm that you couldn't tap into and that the words themselves are a book cover where the honesty is what lies beneath unseen.

    [and forgive me if I'm wrong because only you know the you of it, the reality of it-- you as the author are always the best judge of that]

    Forgetting cadence for a minute, I think that the words show reaction, but I'm left with two questions:

    Why doesn't the person go all in,
    and what is it that has made them feel this way.

    For me that's the poem, why live when death seems such an attractive proposition and what is it that makes death seem so.

    [now just in case you don't remember the boy from mars tale.....]

    Backtracking to cadence I will say that it is what guides my writing because you can write quite beautiful lines and never have it mean a damn thing[by this i mean any writer can do that]

    for me sound is the key, so much so that you could pen a poem about nothing and still have it mean something to a great deal of souls, they will tap into it. If the rhythm is strong a ten word poem could slay them.

    So the soul who is the voice of this particular poem, what is his or her music.

    Ever heard the peter Gabriel/Kate Bush song 'don't give up?

    or any song that moved you or spoke for you, find that rhythm here and don't be satisfied until every string, beat and chord of it is as you know it.

    the untitled poem on huy's page came to me in about 3 min, but i turned it into a ten minute writing because you lose things as you transfer it to the page, but I find if you always listen for the truth of the sound then the words fall for you or nag at you until you make it so. Tap into that.

    And I apologize if that just doesn't work for you, if you work in different ways-- it's only that i know it works best for me.

    Daniel
    | Posted on 2009-04-23 00:00:00 | by bywayof | [ Reply to This ]
      The Spellcheck shall rise again.

    defys- defies
    requem- requiem

    I loved how you had the internal rhymes. It seemed to be an expression of pain and loneliness mixed with... maybe, I don't know, a wee bit of masochism? I have no idea how I got that, that is merely the feeling I get... The flow was pretty off in some areas, I noticed, but that might be the way you wanted it.

    One passage in particular was beautiful and dark simultaneously:

    "I am the unforgiven and unredeemed
    In this silent midnight requem.
    I am the quietly unwanted, the forever begotten
    I am... the forgotten."

    Slainte,

    DW
    | Posted on 2009-04-12 00:00:00 | by Shadowstar13 | [ Reply to This ]


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