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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lifedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Texan_Poet
    ASL Info:    20/F/daydreaming
    Elite Ratio:    5.7 - 127/123/48
    Words: 56
    Class/Type: Story/
    Total Views: 438
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 440



    Description:
       Talking from experence, this is often how life is.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLifedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Twisting, warping, changing,
    Mutilating;
    Cutting, slicing, dicing,
    Fighting?
    It's far too late for that little one.
    You belong to me now;
    And there is no escape.
    You will do whatever I say,
    Whatever I wish you to do.
    Resist?
    See what happens,
    It should be entertaining.
    Hahaha!!!
    You cannot win,
    You shouldn't have been so trusting.




    Submitted on 2009-04-07 10:09:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hmmmm....

    I liked the way this started - I do like a sequence of "action" words and I sometimes do this myself in poems.

    I feel it would've worked better if you had followed "changing" with a 2 syllable word, like you did in the next line. I assume by "mutalating", you meant "mutilating".

    Sorry to sound petty, but it should be "too" in "to late".

    As the poem progressed I felt it fell apart and you seemed to be struggling to come up with new lines.

    I think this was a nice idea, but I don't feel it really worked. Anyway, keep up the writing.
    | Posted on 2009-04-11 00:00:00 | by alexboy | [ Reply to This ]


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