[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Little Girl and her Mommiedots

    Author: bubble_popper15
    ASL Info:    17, f, confused
    Elite Ratio:    4.13 - 201/127/45
    Words: 194
    Class/Type: Poetry/Alone
    Total Views: 589
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1317

       I wrote this because I have a cousin who has a mom like this, and I think it's very sad. I don't think that anyone has to live like this (with a mother or father who doesn't care about them).

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLittle Girl and her Mommiedots

    A little girl sits alone
    Waiting for her mommie to come home

    Mommie's not the same anymore
    Since she first walked out that door

    Mommie comes home wasted, drunk, and high
    With barely enough money to get by

    Little girl has to cook, clean, and take care of things
    Mommie doesn't know the chaos she brings

    Little girl wants to tell Mommie how she feels
    Because she doesn't really know how to deal

    She goes over the words repetitively in her head
    Because she doesn't want to see her Mommie dead

    Mom comes stumbling in the door one night
    And Little girl knows what she has to do is right

    Mom walks through the door
    Little girl knows she's not the same anymore

    She sits Mommie down
    Little girl is wearing a big frown

    Little girl starts talking
    Mommie starts walking

    "I don't wanna listen.
    I'm going in the kitchen."

    Mommie walks away
    With nothing left to say

    Little girl starts crying
    Because she knows Mommie is dying

    So Little girl runs away
    Now she's the one with nothing to say

    Submitted on 2009-04-07 14:06:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Unfortunately, you have captured the opposite of what motherhood was intended to be for children; instead of security, the child is left at the curb. This was an excellent write in a child-like voice. You hit some critical issues in a unique way.

    Well done.
    | Posted on 2009-04-07 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]