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    dots Submission Name: Coming Backdots

    Author: UnderlinedInRed
    ASL Info:    18/f/PA
    Elite Ratio:    4.24 - 196/262/123
    Words: 198
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 768
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1273

       Someone encouraged me to write SOMETHING and so I thought about writing something that reflected some of what I am thinking. The waiting for a lover bit didn't come until a little after I started writing it. But please, do give me some constructive criticism. I know it isnt great.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsComing Backdots

    Wondering how it changed
    What happened to the time?
    Where did you disappear to
    and why aren't you mine?

    I've been with a boy.
    A boy not a man.
    For two years;
    and I'll be damned
    If I ever see him again.

    My grandma's dead
    Her house is gone
    Given up for rent.
    Pretending to be fine,
    When all our time is spent.

    My daddys off to work
    He lives there now
    In a little apartment
    In China's downtown.

    So who do I see
    When I crawl home tonight?
    A small, square bed.
    A pillow, and a lamplight.

    Who am I waiting for
    To open up my eyes?
    What lovers have I left
    To unveil their masked disguise.

    Who is left to care?
    When I am left all alone.
    Where will I find strength
    When there is no one on the phone.

    I'll over-dramatize what drama is left
    Because at the end of the day
    Its my shoulder I lean on
    Its my bed, where I pray

    I'll be strong so later on,
    I can stay together for them
    The ones left fighting
    To bring me back again.

    Submitted on 2009-04-08 00:09:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Wow. I relate to this so much right now. The loneliness. And staying "together" for the ones who are trying to help you.
    It's not perfect, but I don't have much to say about it. it touches me just the way it is. The only complaint I have is that a few of the rhymes seem forced. The meaning is compromised a little bit in the search for a rhyme.
    | Posted on 2009-04-08 00:00:00 | by freshcookies | [ Reply to This ]

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