[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Coming Backdots

    Author: UnderlinedInRed
    ASL Info:    18/f/PA
    Elite Ratio:    4.24 - 196/262/123
    Words: 198
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 501
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1273

       Someone encouraged me to write SOMETHING and so I thought about writing something that reflected some of what I am thinking. The waiting for a lover bit didn't come until a little after I started writing it. But please, do give me some constructive criticism. I know it isnt great.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsComing Backdots

    Wondering how it changed
    What happened to the time?
    Where did you disappear to
    and why aren't you mine?

    I've been with a boy.
    A boy not a man.
    For two years;
    and I'll be damned
    If I ever see him again.

    My grandma's dead
    Her house is gone
    Given up for rent.
    Pretending to be fine,
    When all our time is spent.

    My daddys off to work
    He lives there now
    In a little apartment
    In China's downtown.

    So who do I see
    When I crawl home tonight?
    A small, square bed.
    A pillow, and a lamplight.

    Who am I waiting for
    To open up my eyes?
    What lovers have I left
    To unveil their masked disguise.

    Who is left to care?
    When I am left all alone.
    Where will I find strength
    When there is no one on the phone.

    I'll over-dramatize what drama is left
    Because at the end of the day
    Its my shoulder I lean on
    Its my bed, where I pray

    I'll be strong so later on,
    I can stay together for them
    The ones left fighting
    To bring me back again.

    Submitted on 2009-04-08 00:09:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Wow. I relate to this so much right now. The loneliness. And staying "together" for the ones who are trying to help you.
    It's not perfect, but I don't have much to say about it. it touches me just the way it is. The only complaint I have is that a few of the rhymes seem forced. The meaning is compromised a little bit in the search for a rhyme.
    | Posted on 2009-04-08 00:00:00 | by freshcookies | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Fasade written by jackz
    Carry written by saartha
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Formal Jen written by Daniel Barlow
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Silent Screams In Silent Dreams written by poetotoe
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Every..... written by jackz
    a mood to be free written by Daniel Barlow
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    an unashamed poverty written by Daniel Barlow
    AI written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    no words for how graceful you are in this moment written by Daniel Barlow




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]