Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: serpentdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: meoww
    Elite Ratio:    6.75 - 262/258/143
    Words: 228
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 979
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1497



    Description:
       dunno.

    feeling...

    really anxious.

    just needed to write something.
    anything.
    right now.

    (serpent: kundalini)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsserpentdots
    -------------------------------------------




    as always

    there are many you's
    i escape from, noting how each globe, how each curve defines
    the moment when i am caught: an inferno of masked candles soggy in the wind,
    my vision too caught up in the next page, not focusing on what's before me
    right now. because right now is mismatched jewellery, rusting chunks of metal
    cobbled together from a scrapyard. i say this, believing i confront
    my inner shadow, believing that all can become precious
    in its own sense
    of urgency.

    what definition

    of risk.
    of oceans spread apart
    between my fingertips.
    in the rush of soil
    meeting flesh

    and in the stories
    embedded
    in wine-stained
    beckoning
    lips.

    you say i run away, always run away, mind devoted to the syntax of pleasure,
    to the reasoning of resonance in silver, to the eyes wide shut in the morning
    sensation of not wanting to wake up, but slowly finding
    bone-white china locked away
    in my cupboard.

    (as always)

    as always

    brittle.
    restless.
    two pairs
    against a triplet.
    a hacksaw
    serrating
    the distance.

    as always

    (as always)

    ___________________________________________________________________




    Submitted on 2009-04-08 05:44:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Like I told you in FB, this is gorgeous.

    "...to the eyes wide shut in the morning
    sensation of not wanting to wake up, but slowly finding
    bone-white china locked away
    in my cupboard." - this has got to be one of my favorite snippets I've ever read from you. It's just incontrovertible for me. But then again, maybe that's just the case since I've never read anything like that before but I had that "oh yeah, that is how it goes" feeling when I read it.

    The rest of the piece is great, of course. I just want you to know that. And since you already did when I told you, I don't want you to forget. =P
    | Posted on 2009-11-20 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
      oh my god! that was one of the best poems that i've read in ages. it reminded me of diane wakoski in a way. but your writing here is unique and vivid. i would tell you what parts i enjoyed the most but it wold honetly be every single part, every line, every word. thanks for the great write!!
    | Posted on 2009-04-11 00:00:00 | by blackbird | [ Reply to This ]
      Very clever formatting, I like the contrasts you have within that structure...

    the blur of the first long section

    v

    the starkness of bone white china

    very nice how you bleed one into the other with the syntax and silver.

    in the smaller sections the imagery grows smaller, from something too big too touch, from feet, in earth, from those very enticing lips to things that move out of his control like luck and distance.

    Very intensely connected, and disconnected.

    You are an embarrassment of riches.

    :)
    | Posted on 2009-04-08 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      this is so timely for me, to read this. especially from a boy's perspective.

    i love the words; they create moving stick figures (to your intended wide screen cinematic vision), though that is just our memes interacting...

    advance, retreat. perhaps you are not ready, not invested. there is no lack! it is just a stage/phase in your marvellous journey of you.

    b
    | Posted on 2009-04-08 00:00:00 | by biska | [ Reply to This ]
      Hisss.....
    Hiss...
    Hissiaow...
    so much of distancing, mismatching, locking up and serrating.... toward the opposite side of the + sign....
    mmm.... almost darkish here... hehehe
    | Posted on 2009-04-08 00:00:00 | by CrypticBard | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    173064

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    The World written by jjd
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry