Rejects to our world
The land of the living is better off dead
Everything in the world becomes cold
Like the hearts filled with violent scars
Abusing the starlit sky
For a night of killing
Love and peace no longer exist
A war between tears and violence
We have nowhere let to live
The world is destroyed
No hope left for hate
Only a new beginning
Of kind people enter
In this new world
All over we start this world with no hate
| 1. Do not know or care of how others implied of this but I liked this one very much. It seriously does not need any modification. Keep it as it is as your style of writing.|
2. A description would add the finishing touches to the poem.
Say something like the following.
"We live, we die and in all this cruel world of war, we live to survive another day. A day of hope where we may know what happiness is. Yet spawns hate in this happiness too. A hate to see happiness in others."
Like the above the put it in the description...
Good work keep it up.
|| Posted on 2009-04-12 00:00:00 | by keestu | [ Reply to This ] || So much of this is clunky and with little thought put in,|
"no more hope for hate",hate never has anything to do with hope,and the way you phrase that makes hate sound like an actual individual,and you wouldnt be going for that if you knew how silly it sounds.No hope left for the haters possibly would have went better.
But still,there are some stand-out parts that show promise:
"the hearts filled with violent scars
Abusing the starlit sky"
I like the way your experimenting with words here,but you should try keep your imagery realistic enough that if they were taken literally,they wouldnt fall apart.
Anyway good luck with your writng.
|| Posted on 2009-04-09 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ] || Perhaps the title should begin with the word "From" since the syntax of the poem speaks of a going away to a place of love. The way the title is presently presented says that someone hates to love. It is interesting why no punctuation. Use of punctuation has the writer in control instead of having the reader fumble for the mean as if the reader were in control . ||| Posted on 2009-04-08 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ] || Thanks. I wrote this in the middle of my tech class and I was rushing...That's why I messed up. ||| Posted on 2009-04-08 00:00:00 | by Midorininja | [ Reply to This ] || It very intreesting... I think you might want to read this over and fix your spelling error in the following line:|
We have nowhere let to live
I'm thinking you ment to put left, but you forgot the f. Also, You might want to capitalize your title so it reads: Hate to Love.
Any way, I liked it.
|| Posted on 2009-04-08 00:00:00 | by stormybluerose | [ Reply to This ] |