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Sunday's Rest


Author: Toosha
ASL Info:    18/f/SD
Elite Ratio:    1.84 - 20 /13 /11
Words: 136
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 725
Average Vote:    4.5000
Bytes: 791



Description:




Sunday's Rest



Arms ready
Standing steady
Willing

Walk right past me
Then I see
Not worthy

Look down and sit
Listening to the fit
Pointless

Stay and wait
But it's too late
Awkward

Return Attack
Feel the smack
Painful

Turning blue
You're crying too
Dying

Releasing grip
Bloody lip
Breathe

Saying sorry
Do not worry
Forgiven

Six times a week
Very meek
Routine

Sunday's best
Get to rest
Thankful

You are my only
I'm left lonely
Mother




Submitted on 2009-04-08 11:54:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  i'm in the moment and liking this. musically delicious. in a looking in on violence kinda way. hmmm... that's not really delicious at all is it?
this feels like heavy non-rap bass and growls mean.

i really want to drop the "me" from "walk right past me" but i think we both realize that would just throw the whole rhyme into chaos. what should we do?
i also want to drop the "turning blue" stanza and jump straight across from "painful" to "releasing". i think it feels dirtier that way.

anyway, i dig it what with all it's minimalist impact and whatnot. fersher.
| Posted on 2009-05-06 00:00:00 | by milovelocity | [ Reply to This ]
  Simple but touching.
| Posted on 2009-04-08 00:00:00 | by Midorininja | [ Reply to This ]


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