Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: as i have fluttered inside youdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: blackbird
    ASL Info:    31/male/reykjavik iceland
    Elite Ratio:    2.35 - 194/328/300
    Words: 142
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 583
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1024



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots as i have fluttered inside youdots
    -------------------------------------------


    if not not to die,
    then to move backwards
    through skin,
    through the long grass,
    the black eyed susans,
    the memory of the sun
    remaining.
    to take clay & to shape it into
    a small heart
    where the birds go.

    & even
    as i have fluttered inside you,
    beak nestled close
    to arterial coves,
    dreaming in blood
    of the obscured moon
    while my wings
    brush about your organs,
    i steal brief glances
    of the beating above,
    the place where i entered
    where another had left.

    my nest is in your bones,
    nipped from your hair
    & your lost fingernails,
    your eyelashes
    that strayed into my soup.
    the universe is warm here.
    the darkness keeps me quiet
    while i sleep.
    i have this dream
    of floating through your veins,
    aimlessly searching
    for the path
    that leads me home...





    Submitted on 2009-04-08 13:37:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I mentioned this a while ago and I would probably be saying it over and over again. Your gift is freedom. And whether it comes from an insight that allows you to see the malleability of everything or the mere fact that you are willing to exploit the full bloom of your talent every time you write something, your work is really beautiful.

    I'm glad somebody mentioned your name yesterday. Otherwise I would have completely forgotten to check out your stuff as I promised to do so... nearly half a year ago. =P

    By the way, I agree with Jase: "My nest is in your bones" is one time stopper.
    | Posted on 2009-05-24 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
      i find it hard to say anything worthwhile about your work, because... there's that sense of etherealness which can't ever be touched (in a hands-on literal sense); rather, it's felt in the blood, these traces of ambiguity and literal images married together to force a realisation... what realisation? love, and how it affects you. love, and what that means to you. love, and how you express it, yes.

    your last strophe was the most powerful to me.
    "my nest is in your bones" made me pause reflectively for a long time...

    i think we share that love of nature which diffuses into our work, however intentional or not... and a voice which prisms into different meanings for different people: synaesthesia, which i apparently 'suffer' from, but which i find a gift, especially in artistic endeavours.

    i second daniel's 'rant' in his ending paragraph, by the way... don't be afraid to get out there and get your hands dirty, is what i'm saying... yup.
    | Posted on 2009-04-12 00:00:00 | by meoww | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like the way you enjamb thoughts one line into the next.

    this is quite fantastic, the opening lines talk about states of living-- living at it's hardest where you struggle to exist

    or the very lovely and bittersweet thought of going back--

    and wow no-one could ever accuse you of being cliché

    you have a gift for the way you look at things and then are able to put it into words.

    I haven't seen but a half dozen of your poems but I think you're one of the best here.

    I only wish you would share some of that around by way of comments that lend that ability and insight to others-- Critique can seem like a chore but I find it helps you gain understanding and skills you can then turn toward your own work-- not to mention that, theoretically, it also attracts others to your work, but also, a lot of those others are quite special people, and you find this out over time.

    Anyway, end rant.

    You're a talented guy.

    Daniel
    | Posted on 2009-04-10 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    173085

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Wavelength written by saartha
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Bond written by saartha
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    ME written by jjd
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To written by SavedDragon
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry