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    dots Submission Name: as i have fluttered inside youdots

    Author: blackbird
    ASL Info:    31/male/reykjavik iceland
    Elite Ratio:    2.35 - 194/328/300
    Words: 142
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 563
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1024


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots as i have fluttered inside youdots

    if not not to die,
    then to move backwards
    through skin,
    through the long grass,
    the black eyed susans,
    the memory of the sun
    to take clay & to shape it into
    a small heart
    where the birds go.

    & even
    as i have fluttered inside you,
    beak nestled close
    to arterial coves,
    dreaming in blood
    of the obscured moon
    while my wings
    brush about your organs,
    i steal brief glances
    of the beating above,
    the place where i entered
    where another had left.

    my nest is in your bones,
    nipped from your hair
    & your lost fingernails,
    your eyelashes
    that strayed into my soup.
    the universe is warm here.
    the darkness keeps me quiet
    while i sleep.
    i have this dream
    of floating through your veins,
    aimlessly searching
    for the path
    that leads me home...

    Submitted on 2009-04-08 13:37:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      I mentioned this a while ago and I would probably be saying it over and over again. Your gift is freedom. And whether it comes from an insight that allows you to see the malleability of everything or the mere fact that you are willing to exploit the full bloom of your talent every time you write something, your work is really beautiful.

    I'm glad somebody mentioned your name yesterday. Otherwise I would have completely forgotten to check out your stuff as I promised to do so... nearly half a year ago. =P

    By the way, I agree with Jase: "My nest is in your bones" is one time stopper.
    | Posted on 2009-05-24 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
      i find it hard to say anything worthwhile about your work, because... there's that sense of etherealness which can't ever be touched (in a hands-on literal sense); rather, it's felt in the blood, these traces of ambiguity and literal images married together to force a realisation... what realisation? love, and how it affects you. love, and what that means to you. love, and how you express it, yes.

    your last strophe was the most powerful to me.
    "my nest is in your bones" made me pause reflectively for a long time...

    i think we share that love of nature which diffuses into our work, however intentional or not... and a voice which prisms into different meanings for different people: synaesthesia, which i apparently 'suffer' from, but which i find a gift, especially in artistic endeavours.

    i second daniel's 'rant' in his ending paragraph, by the way... don't be afraid to get out there and get your hands dirty, is what i'm saying... yup.
    | Posted on 2009-04-12 00:00:00 | by meoww | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like the way you enjamb thoughts one line into the next.

    this is quite fantastic, the opening lines talk about states of living-- living at it's hardest where you struggle to exist

    or the very lovely and bittersweet thought of going back--

    and wow no-one could ever accuse you of being cliché

    you have a gift for the way you look at things and then are able to put it into words.

    I haven't seen but a half dozen of your poems but I think you're one of the best here.

    I only wish you would share some of that around by way of comments that lend that ability and insight to others-- Critique can seem like a chore but I find it helps you gain understanding and skills you can then turn toward your own work-- not to mention that, theoretically, it also attracts others to your work, but also, a lot of those others are quite special people, and you find this out over time.

    Anyway, end rant.

    You're a talented guy.

    | Posted on 2009-04-10 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]

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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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