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    dots Submission Name: I Love You dots

    Author: amrslamr
    Elite Ratio:    4.44 - 18/18/16
    Words: 58
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 452
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 367


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    dotsI Love You dots

    by amrslamr

    I love you.
    You love me,
    But not enough
    To let me in.

    You love me.
    I want you
    To trust me, too,
    But you just can't.

    Not enough.
    Hiding things
    Is killing us.
    Goodbye, my friend

    Submitted on 2009-04-10 18:09:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      1. The poem is too short. You are an elite writer according to the status but this poem looks very basic. (dunno if it was intentionally done that way)
    You need to write some description on when you wrote this....whether this is an old poem that you began writing or if you wrote it now the below is the comments

    a. The poem is too short and immature.
    b. There is no purpose defined in each of the para.
    c. The last para gives a clue on the trust part that you wanted with your friend and the secrets that he had hidden for which you said goodbye to him but it needs a lot of explanation to do.
    d. More details specific to the emotion you felt while saying bye your friend.
    e. Topic is irrelevant. I love you is not a goodbye theme.
    | Posted on 2009-04-12 00:00:00 | by keestu | [ Reply to This ]

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