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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Deadly Sin of Lustdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rubymoon
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 155/162/91
    Words: 212
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 640
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1269



    Description:
       Written for a 7 deadly sin contest on another website


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Deadly Sin of Lustdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Sitting on a barstool, I watch you eye me
    Crossing my legs slightly, I watch your eyes follow.
    Youre making this so easy for me
    Tonight, I will feed. I will sup on your desire

    Sliding off the stool, skirt hiking up even more
    I walk towards you. Want to dance?
    Not bothering to hide my amusement at your stuttering
    or the way you puff out with pride. Have your fun...
    dear~ Come now, hands here... Sliding your hands to my hips
    ... and lower. Smiling charmingly, I flirt with you.

    Teasing now, I slowly seduce your mind and body
    Flaming your desire for me higher and higher, more
    till this dance only adds to the agony of your throbbing want

    Off the dance floor, no space for thoughts... perhaps except,
    of how much you would like to slide close, into me
    No space to breathe... the air on fire it seems to you.
    Feeding off your desire I sparkle and shine, drawing even more eyes
    You are mine now! No way to escape...

    Away we go, somewhere alone... We slide into one another alright
    You slide into me as I slide a knife between your ribs.
    You have allowed yourself to sin, to fall to lust.




    Submitted on 2009-04-13 06:10:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Very well written and very imaginative: did not need glasses to follow the line. Temptations on barstools never came my way because I myself never frequented bars neither sat on bars stools. But the stage you decked out is quite easy to follow.
    The procedures towards the climax and the vivid mind exchanges I deem very exquisitely painted. I`lll name it :The Lust of the Deadly Mindless Sin.

    Good write though. Luv Joachim
    | Posted on 2009-05-11 00:00:00 | by Joachim | [ Reply to This ]
      Quite good,

    I wonder that people, myself included, don't explore the erotic side of life in their writing.

    this was *nice* in that respect, although I was kind of expecting her to devour him like the females of the insect world seem to do.

    My only criticism would be that the close belabors the point. I feel it should be crisp, rather than to carry the surprise past the point of surprise.

    Enjoyed this though--

    --HBA
    | Posted on 2009-04-13 00:00:00 | by HuyBenAmon | [ Reply to This ]


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