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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: childdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cha
    Elite Ratio:    2.3 - 37/28/31
    Words: 112
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 455
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 700



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotschilddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Watching a child, watching the fights,
    Crying my sleep during the screams of the night.
    Nestled in pillows, overtaken by tears,
    She'd never realize this would effect her over the years.
    So afraid of this monster, one that I hate,
    It comes from the anger so the pain it makes.
    If only a mirror could save it to see,
    This child is hurting,
    This child is me.
    So scared to fall in love, but tired of being alone,
    I remember all those tears,
    And the pain they have shone.
    Now no longer with youth,
    But old enough to say,
    I can't ignore these memories I live with,
    I live with then everyday.




    Submitted on 2009-04-13 09:27:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is pretty good, very heart breaking and I can relate to you.

    But some things I noticed is that some of the rhymes seemed forced and didnt' really fit in for me.
    For example:
    "So afraid of this monster, one that I hate,
    It comes from the anger so the pain it makes."

    I know what your trying to say but the second line in just kind of worded funny.

    Same with this one:
    "So scared to fall in love, but tired of being alone,
    I remember all those tears,
    And the pain they have shone."

    I thik maybe just because shone is such a weird sounding word xD

    I really liked this part though:
    "If only a mirror could save it to see,
    This child is hurting,
    This child is me."

    Very clever, with the mirror part. I really liked it :]

    You are a very nice writer and you seem like you've been through alot

    Stay Stong sweetie <3



    | Posted on 2009-08-21 00:00:00 | by Suicidalchild51 | [ Reply to This ]
      UH WOW,
    I lived with a monster to, I am sorry if you are speaking from experiance, I deal with my scars and shatterd memories everyday, this one stopped me in my tracks, good job girl,
    Diablo
    | Posted on 2009-04-24 00:00:00 | by Diablo Tapitio | [ Reply to This ]
      i read this directly after reading rape and i liek them both but thi one is better to me maybe its a lil vauge and that is good lets teh reader apply itto thier life you have true talent
    | Posted on 2009-04-16 00:00:00 | by layDsayD | [ Reply to This ]


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