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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Chainsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Mithrandir
    ASL Info:    28/m/N.Y.
    Elite Ratio:    4.62 - 452/681/113
    Words: 65
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 696
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 536



    Description:
       sometimes I dont know why I write the things I write.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsChainsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    No escape
    Chains to thick
    Emotions unwavering

    No light within
    Cardiovascular captivity
    Whip crak breathes
    Against artery walls

    No escape
    Veins to thick
    Stale blood still flows

    45 to life
    No last rights
    Whip crack again
    The systems failing

    No escape
    Mortal walls to thick
    A finite story

    No visitors
    Solitary for life
    whip cracks again
    And the spirits broken




    Submitted on 2004-07-14 22:46:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i see this as someone who's deeply stuck in a situation from where there's no escape. i don't think this is about prison though... it's just that sometimes we create situations or find ourselves in situations from which ther eis no escape...
    (but really, i think you should work on the typos - it mars an otherwise great write )
    | Posted on 2004-07-20 00:00:00 | by Judy | [ Reply to This ]
      I see two things here. The first, the obvious, a man in prison, and his inability to escape. The second however is a little more subtle, and has to do with language you use to indicate that this imprisonment won't last forever. Particularly:

    No escape
    Mortal walls to thick
    A finite story

    You make a point of calling the walls mortal, which could mean a few things but you clarify by saying "a finite story" telling the reader that it will one day end. The prisoner is there for "45 to life" which tells us that the end may be in death, or in a very late release. I'm reminded of the Shawshank Redemption. You also throw in a line about the system failing, completing the theme that a "mortal" prison fails in its purpose, though that purpose is left to the reader to decide.
    | Posted on 2004-07-19 00:00:00 | by Ontlogicalamity | [ Reply to This ]


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