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    dots Submission Name: Patricio The Great (edit)dots

    Author: Patricio
    Elite Ratio:    3.75 - 31/33/7
    Words: 266
    Class/Type: Poetry/Comedy
    Total Views: 556
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1666

       a do over of a former work thought it'd be fun to improve on the past a bit and this way it leaves room for a prequel

    to entertain bon bon the family poet

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPatricio The Great (edit)dots

    Here is an old tale of Patricio the Great
    when this great man met his terrible fate
    not many will speak of that terrible day
    When Patricio hit the permanent hay

    But here is the story with no further ado
    Patricio’s great story I give unto you

    Patricio The great was off fighting one day
    A few robbers and bandits, the usual fray
    He cut them down easily, which just goes to show
    That these tasks were quite easy for the great Patricio

    Patricio was returning the merchants stolen wares
    When he heard the galloping of dozens of mares
    The riders said franticly “Patricio a giant has come!”
    Then Patricio just smiled and held out his thumb

    Patricio fought gallantly, mightily, and true
    He was the best swordsman the town ever knew
    He hacked and slashed, to bring the giant down
    making that great giant look more a great clown

    though enjoying his time toying with this beast
    Patricio grew impatient for his victory feast
    Patricio then said “Now giant you meet your doom!”
    One more slash from Patricio, the giant fell with a boom

    The crowd cheered quite vigorously and loud
    As Patricio walked up all dignified and proud
    Thinking of the maidens whose hearts he now kept
    Patricio cared not of the place he then stepped

    he stepped on a thorn bush, his pace did then slow
    as he bled and bled right from his big toe
    From that small wound he did completely bleed dry
    And on that dark day Patricio did die

    Submitted on 2009-04-17 02:40:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||

    wow finally something that is brilliantly funny. I want to apologize while I'm at this for how short this comment is, but really I have nothing constructive to share with you on this piece for I like how it is, your humor on this piece is wonderfully place. Thank you for posting this

    | Posted on 2009-05-13 00:00:00 | by nikita2u | [ Reply to This ]
      oh the achillies heel or toe always gets them oin the end. I reckon you could eliminate some words to improve the flow of the lines such as
    "“Now giant you meet your doom!”"
    now giant, meet your doom.

    fun piece.

    | Posted on 2009-04-17 00:00:00 | by elephantasia | [ Reply to This ]

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