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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Prostitutedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: particularshard
    ASL Info:    23/m/DC
    Elite Ratio:    4.21 - 1159/1392/363
    Words: 305
    Class/Type: Poetry/Sorry
    Total Views: 1243
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1787



    Description:
       Drunken musings about a relationship from another life. This was one of the relationships that convinced me that I couldn't wantonly take any girl who struck my fancy. See, I fall in love quickly and easily - Love and hate are two sides of the same coin. People who can't own my love and play at least near my level see that coin flip. I didn't want to hate this girl - she loved me so much. At the time I didn't realize that she was getting all my contempt for all that was wrong with the world - Ironically she was following a twisted survival instinct passed on by her mother (who called her cock-breath btw, perhaps for my benefit) - find something strong to latch onto so you'll be protected. She just picked the wrong something....I don't believe in God blessing people, but since I'm the nicest predator I know, she desperately needs all the help she can get.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Prostitutedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I loved the way
    You were at my beckon-call,
    Though I never called you.
    You wouldn't go home at night till I was soft.
    I loved the way
    You'd get so smacked you'd fall,
    And then when I'd ball you -
    It was all you could do to help me get those tight clothes off.
    I loved the way,
    You were my prostitute,
    Though I didn't pay you a dime.
    You were happy if I let you stay after your job was done.
    I loved the way,
    That you tried to be cute,
    So you could pretend you were worth my time.
    You knew I was leaving that place and you hoped to God I'd let you come.
    I loved the way,
    That you slit your wrists
    When I got mad and dumped you.
    It was touching that you thought I'd care.
    I loved the way,
    That after several silent years,
    I called with hopes to hump you.
    You said of course I could as long as I'd still grab your hair.
    Still I loved my whore,
    And I think its wrong
    That you wont have a life.
    Left to rot on the fringes of a dying town.
    But your demands were a bore,
    And you were never strong,
    Yet you wanted to be my wife?
    After the first time we met and you begged to let you go down?
    I think of you,
    While I lie smashed,
    On a mattress I think we fucked on.
    Feeling betrayed that the world won't be as easy as you.
    I should contact you,
    Maybe lend a hand,
    And try to push your still-bad luck on.
    But we both know that you're the type who always gets abused... Treated well you wouldn't know what to do.
    And Its true -
    God Bless my prostitute.




    Submitted on 2004-07-15 01:37:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I guess some people can relate to this in different ways. I've found certain friends of mine who recently like to discover the fact I don't have a gag reflex. So I guess that would make me their prostitue. Maybe I should charge. Nice piece of writing! Deffinitely explains the comment you left for me on what more could she give. Haha.
    | Posted on 2004-11-02 00:00:00 | by kissingadict | [ Reply to This ]
      I believe instead of "beckon-call", you want "beck and call." I think that's the way it is... maybe I'm the one who's wrong!

    THIS IS TERRIFIC. Really. I try not to just give out compliments, but it seems that I can never find anything to really comment on or suggest with your writing! This is awesome, great, fantastic.

    Mechanically- you have a few punctuation errors, just commas where you don't need them, but that's not a huge deal. Usually people don't notice; I happen to be an incredibly picky person when it comes to technical aspects of writing.

    Did I mention that this is terrific?!I'm sorry, I have no decent feedback. Jimmy should just kick me off the site. GREAT JOB.
    | Posted on 2004-09-02 00:00:00 | by mixedemotions00 | [ Reply to This ]
      Sounds like you're describing a woman who doesn't know any other way to express her love for someone. That's so sad, especially because I almost relate. I hate how little respect that poor girl is given, though she tries so hard. It's not her fault she's weak. Very well-written, lots of feeling. Almost too much.
    | Posted on 2004-08-10 00:00:00 | by Chihuahuii | [ Reply to This ]
      Words of wisdom. The truth comes purely when your sloshed. I like how raw and uncensored this came out, with the genuine sincerity that spewed out and all. Great drunken poetry
    | Posted on 2004-08-06 00:00:00 | by Ratmeat | [ Reply to This ]
      ... holy crap. i know i'm reading this a lot later than everyone else... and if i hadn't read "She So Loved..." which I saw clearly as an emotional projection and not really yourself in the first person I wouldn't know what to think about this... your comments threw me a little. I can't decide how I feel about the situation you described, though you brought it to words clearly and well. Generally the poem makes me feel like [censored] because this is an all too common situation and I think everyone could painfully see a little bit of themself on both sides... Overall I am thouroughly disgusted by your poem. Despite the fact that you were brutally honest and even despite the fact that the poem (I don't think) isn't really supposed to be an anthem of loathing, mistreament and contempt, I still can't help but feel disgusted and angry that anyone could treat someone who loves them like that... Whatever reactions the subject matter recieves... the poem itself evokes so many emotions that it can't be denied praise. The poem is so real it makes me angry at you, even though I know I shouldn't be. Maybe next time you could write a poem about flowers and candy or something... just so I know you're ok?
    | Posted on 2004-08-06 00:00:00 | by AtrophyEmpathos | [ Reply to This ]
      shard buddy, this is totally favorites worthy! The atmosphere you created is so beautifully crafted, and there's a remorse - but no remorse - feel to the entire poem. You say how you loved the way she threw herself at you, and you imply that it's gone now, maybe you miss it? BUT, in the same respect, the language and crudeness of it bring all of the pain and sex-ache (if i'm allowed to coin such a word) to such a... such a raw level, you know?

    shard, masterpiece, nothin' else to say!

    Kenley
    | Posted on 2004-08-05 00:00:00 | by Siven7 | [ Reply to This ]
      Okay so I am very late on reading this one, and as a woman most people would expect me to get mad, but actually I want to thank you. When I was much younger, in my early teens, this girl was me, for just this one guy, that I loved. Aside from the slitting my wrists part, which I was never quite stupid enough to do, the rest of this poem captures my un-abridged stupidity.

    I got sucked in at the first few lines"I loved the way
    You were at my beckon-call,
    Though I never called you.
    You wouldn't go home at night till I was soft.
    I loved the way
    You'd get so smacked you'd fall,
    And then when I'd ball you -
    It was all you could do to help me get those tight clothes off." because that is now what I see that I was doing then.

    What I appreciated most though, were these lines, "I think of you,
    While I lie smashed,
    On a mattress I think we [censored]ed on.
    Feeling betrayed that the world won't be as easy as you." because I think they convey well the twisted emotion felt by the man in this position. He doesnt love her for her, but loves her for the way she loves him, and once she's gone, he misses being the center of someone's universe.

    I dont know if any of this is what you intended, but I have often tried to write about my former self in this context and couldnt make it stick like you have. I am impressed.
    | Posted on 2004-08-24 00:00:00 | by pinurplepassion | [ Reply to This ]
      "...i called with hopes to hump you..." oh man, that just cracked me up...sorry, i hope i didn't offend...well, at least i know i'm not the only sick mind in here...lol...this definitely held my attention...had a few trips over the rhythm, but that's easy enough to clean up...this is really not funny though, i actually felt sad reading it..except for that humping part..good job with the emotion prodding there...well, i'm tired and rambling so i'm off to sleep..good job
    | Posted on 2004-07-15 00:00:00 | by Kristina9178 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow your an ass hole... well in my opinion. If you can so quickly dump someone you say you love then its not love. Then again she sounds like a slut beyond them all because she just jumped in with you. But we all make mistakes i liked this poem
    | Posted on 2004-07-15 00:00:00 | by PoetryQueen | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, I am guessing your intention was to make people believe that you are some type of loathsome freak for doing something so terrible with an almost complete lack of care, something tells me your not really sorry in this poem, and if you really are, then it must be some sort of [censored]ized sorrow because frankly this poem pretty much makes me hate you. I am not saying that I believe any of this is true, but I guess I am actually giving you props for causing such an emotional rise with your poem. Hated it but good job!
    ~Jared
    | Posted on 2004-07-15 00:00:00 | by Jared | [ Reply to This ]
      By the way the word I was trying to say there that evidently got censored was b a st er dized. Just in case you were wondering.
    | Posted on 2004-07-15 00:00:00 | by Jared | [ Reply to This ]
      well she mattered enough to you to write a poem about her but not enough to care..
    this is all very harsh.. i was cringing inside as i read it.. it's written well.. it makes the reader angry and upset all at once.. it's sad that people don't see their own worth. and that other people take advantage of that to make them feel better about themselves.
    (oh and in the first line.. it's "beck and call" isnt it?)
    | Posted on 2004-07-15 00:00:00 | by girlinthephoto | [ Reply to This ]
      This was an awesome poem. It's nice to read something completely different for a change. ALl these people who commented bad on your piece must just be content reading the same rehashed love/hate/love crap over and over and over. I for one have an evil side, i'm not proud of it but it's there nontheless. That evil side as I write this is wondering where I might find such a girl LOL excellent write A+ for originality!
    | Posted on 2004-07-15 00:00:00 | by Mister Fizzle | [ Reply to This ]
      Also I feel it's of some importance to note that your line in the description is BUMPERSTICKER WORTHY!

    "I'm the nicest predator I know"

    holy shizzle
    nice fizzle
    | Posted on 2004-07-15 00:00:00 | by Mister Fizzle | [ Reply to This ]
      Whoa... *blinks* Whoaaaaa... -lol- I'm amazed that I, a strong-hearted female, loved this poem. I found myself torn between wanting to cry for her and wishing I could smack every being with a dick right upside the head.

    I love it when reading something brings out so many emotions at once... This was really a very brilliant job done. Like always, I have a favorite part!

    "I loved the way,
    That you tried to be cute,
    So you could pretend you were worth my time."

    This was one of the parts that made me want to break down into tears. It reminded me of myself...
    I have a very busy boyfriend and so everytime I actually do get to spend time with him, I do everything I can so that maybe he'll want me more often, or think that I am deserving of some of his time. Here I go pitying myself again. lol

    You kick ass.
    | Posted on 2004-07-15 00:00:00 | by LadyInRed88 | [ Reply to This ]
      hahahahaha...heh heh. woo. that is good writin. this i love, absolutely and completely. i feel a little sick for sayin that...but hey, dude, this is great. feel the animosity, the stupid hope and will-to-please of the girl, the way you didn't have to take more but she let you, so you're not the dick...wow. its all true, i've seen girls like this...never been with one like that, but...oh, man. what else can i say? i really enjoyed it. the last line is delicious. ate it up. good ending, powerful, and to the bone. its raw and it hurts some time, some people, some way...like dirty blankets and cheap smiles, wide eyes when she went down on you, and layin there drunk or just not even willing...ah, the love. write more for me, dude. this is rad. latah,~april
    | Posted on 2004-07-15 00:00:00 | by leper messiah | [ Reply to This ]
      "See, I fall in love quickly and easily - Love and hate are two sides of the same coin. People who can't own my love and play at least near my level see that coin flip. I didn't want to hate this girl - she loved me so much. At the time I didn't realize that she was getting all my contempt for all that was wrong with the world -"

    Im sorry but it sounds as though you both have issues...perhaps she does have reasons for what she does...but im suggesting that you too have reasons for not being able to see past that and realise that she is a human being that deserves to be treated in a special way and to be loved just like everyone else...

    "I loved the way,
    That you tried to be cute,
    So you could pretend you were worth my time."

    Perhaps you were never worth hers and infact she was the biggest fool of all for caring...


    All i can say is what goes around comes around and karma will take care of you in good time...
    | Posted on 2005-03-07 00:00:00 | by stormyskies | [ Reply to This ]


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