Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I love my enemydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Diablo Tapitio
    ASL Info:    30
    Elite Ratio:    3.08 - 85/111/62
    Words: 156
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 805
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 838



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI love my enemydots
    -------------------------------------------


    I love to be right by your side,
    In your shadow is where I hide,
    worshiping your every thought,
    inside your web I am caught.
    I trust in you to rip me me apart,
    With your icecycle eyes, your words like darts.

    I am to damn weak to take a stand,
    and to afraid to hold your hand.
    I try my best, and I aim to please,
    I breath in your black disease.
    To much of a slave to ever be free,
    I get chills when you look at me.

    I feel like a junkie when I am around you,
    I need you daily, yet hate what you do.
    I feel a fire burning in the pit of my gut,
    as I try deperately to dig uot of this rut,
    I really dont know what I should do,
    I feel sick when your near me, yet I am lost without you.






    Submitted on 2009-04-18 19:28:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      The general impression this gave me is being a “friend” when you really desire more. Although there is a rather dark vibe to it… The rhyme scheme was good it didn’t sound like you were forcing it. The last line looks like it ended up too long though- maybe you could end it in an alternate rhyme scheme. Oh! And there is a misspell in the 3rd line from the bottom. Uot.

    | Posted on 2009-04-20 00:00:00 | by isis_lenore | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    173447

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    By the bar written by expiring_touch
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    This written by Chelebel
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Faith In Line written by MyPeriodical
    Incubus written by monad
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    A Fire! A Knife! A Black Crow Calls! written by HisNameIsNoMore
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    To the Epilogue written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry