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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Water musicdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: JonInk
    Elite Ratio:    2.94 - 6/11/8
    Words: 278
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 460
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 685



    Description:
       When you bring all of nature together, your imagination does wonders...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWater musicdots
    -------------------------------------------


                       Strumming on water;
    As the earth makes the music,
    My electric ways are poetic.
    I'm Swimming through Passion,
    I'm Grimming on Rassion.
    A rising of Powers,
    I'm prizing on Flowers.
    Clashing with emotion,
    As an art's; devotion.
    Where ever it takes me,
    Living in music's harmony...




    Submitted on 2009-04-20 13:12:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I agree with lone_one, some of your rhymes seemed forced, taking away from the flow of the poem. There is one great line though that really stands out though, "My electric ways are poetic." Although electric is sort of the oppisite of nature. It seems like you set yourself in a different category than nature with that line.

    ~Carrie
    | Posted on 2009-04-24 00:00:00 | by dismal_s child | [ Reply to This ]
      i like how its nature driven its good dont get me wrong, poetry is and art and there is no right or wrong, this is purely how i felt, i felt as if some of the rhymes were forced, focus on the flow make it longer and take your time...as i said this is me, this is also the beauty of how imperfect poetry can be, and still be nice, i liked it, i did. just giving some helpfull words

    L.o.
    | Posted on 2009-04-22 00:00:00 | by lone_one | [ Reply to This ]


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