Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Water musicdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: JonInk
    Elite Ratio:    2.94 - 6/11/8
    Words: 278
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 452
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 685



    Description:
       When you bring all of nature together, your imagination does wonders...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWater musicdots
    -------------------------------------------


                       Strumming on water;
    As the earth makes the music,
    My electric ways are poetic.
    I'm Swimming through Passion,
    I'm Grimming on Rassion.
    A rising of Powers,
    I'm prizing on Flowers.
    Clashing with emotion,
    As an art's; devotion.
    Where ever it takes me,
    Living in music's harmony...




    Submitted on 2009-04-20 13:12:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I agree with lone_one, some of your rhymes seemed forced, taking away from the flow of the poem. There is one great line though that really stands out though, "My electric ways are poetic." Although electric is sort of the oppisite of nature. It seems like you set yourself in a different category than nature with that line.

    ~Carrie
    | Posted on 2009-04-24 00:00:00 | by dismal_s child | [ Reply to This ]
      i like how its nature driven its good dont get me wrong, poetry is and art and there is no right or wrong, this is purely how i felt, i felt as if some of the rhymes were forced, focus on the flow make it longer and take your time...as i said this is me, this is also the beauty of how imperfect poetry can be, and still be nice, i liked it, i did. just giving some helpfull words

    L.o.
    | Posted on 2009-04-22 00:00:00 | by lone_one | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    173488

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    The World written by jjd

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry