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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Chaos unto harmonydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: wordsofmind
    ASL Info:    18/F/Quebec, Canada
    Elite Ratio:    5.44 - 178/180/57
    Words: 238
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 129
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1533



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsChaos unto harmonydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Accepting chaos –
    Instability, impermanence, ending.
    Harmony is only existent
    If the shattered pieces of yin and yang
    Fit flawlessly together.

    You love all forms of nature:
    The death of autumn maple leaves,
    The frost-bite of long and bitter winters,
    The rebirth of verdant grass,
    As the tender warmth of the moon
    In the heat of summer nights.
    You feel the sensuality of the deep sea,
    The way it leaves an imprint on your feet.
    You gather near the fiery flames
    When coldness is unbearable.
    And it’s wonderful to tip-toe
    Even running on the ground without shoes.
    And the chilly as the tepid wind
    Fills your wholeness with affection.

    Music is my love forever.
    Each song echoes the story of my life
    And the madness in my head
    As pains and pleasures of my heart.
    My visionary dream to share my history,
    The running up that hill to swap places,
    The anger and the jealousy in Wuthering Heights,
    The praying for a miracle and not somebody’s charity,
    The kisses in the moments in love.
    I slither like a snake to cold fire
    And dance lezginka to wild dances.
    My body seduces to the flesh for fantasy
    As my soul dreams of a touch in the night.

    May the wind deliver
    The cold and sweet intense gentleness
    As the rhythm of the melody may charm
    Those who are the worthy ones.




    Submitted on 2009-04-21 12:49:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I get settled with a few personalities here and find myself in a rut. I came to this page from the general Elite Posts page and was floored by the strength of your voice. It's clarity is planned, trained, and naturally talented. In poems this thick in content can get bogged down or redundant with so many adjectives - but that never, ever happened here. When it reads so smoothly it says that, at first, this idea came out in a rush. Due to the fact that there are no wasted words I likewise think you later went over every line.

    It is breath-taking. It is specific, avoiding the trappings of self-inflation or heavy with ego. Any poem wound, even in part, to Nature snags me for a reading. You choice of objects are original and aren't hindered by any beat-down, used up poetic device. Throughout it doesn't break down or feel fragmented.

    It is good. It is music. This is so very good.
    | Posted on 2009-04-22 00:00:00 | by Hollander | [ Reply to This ]
      i'm speechless with this one, too.
    people have been posting marvellous poems lately.
    you should submit this somewhere.
    truly.
    | Posted on 2009-04-21 00:00:00 | by meoww | [ Reply to This ]
      wow,

    it find this quite miraculous
    and enjoyed the way you used half rhyme to connect it at places.

    Accepting chaos –
    Instability, impermanence, ending.
    Harmony is only existent
    If the shattered pieces of yin and yang
    Fit flawlessly together.

    I can't fault the beginning. it fits flawlessly together.

    You love all forms of nature:
    The death of autumn maple leaves,
    The frost-bite of long and bitter winters,
    The rebirth of verdant grass,
    As the tender warmth of the moon
    In the heat of summer nights.
    You feel the sensuality of the deep sea,
    The way it leaves an imprint on your feet.
    You gather near the fiery flames
    When coldness is unbearable.
    And it’s wonderful to tip-toe
    Even running on the ground without shoes.
    And the chilly as the tepid wind
    Fills your wholeness with affection.

    I can see why you went for 'chilly' trying to avoid a three-peat on 'ness' but it was the one place in this well of lovely phrasing where i tripped.

    Music is my love forever.
    Each song echoes the story of my life
    And the madness in my head
    As pains and pleasures of my heart.

    the last line in this section is the perfect accompaniment

    I liked 'madness in my head' too


    My visionary dream to share my history,
    The running up that hill to swap places,

    this thought you express is so apt and quite wonderful. I would swap that/the around

    The anger and the jealousy in Wuthering Heights,
    The praying for a miracle and not somebody’s charity,

    wholly this is so graceful it almost locks a reader out
    because there is so much smoothness and serenity about it you could allow all these deep observations to slip by, I don't know that this is how it will be but I almost want you to break up the poem by use of line breaks-- punctuation and such just so it allows time for thought. miracle/charity = great pairing

    The kisses in the moments in love.
    I slither like a snake to cold fire
    And dance lezginka to wild dances.

    the addition of 'lezginka' makes these lines.
    I don't know it but that's not a requirement,
    it is wild.

    My body seduces to the flesh for fantasy
    As my soul dreams of a touch in the night.

    and again, pairing coldness and the body seducing itself is marvelous, the spirit detached or at least set apart in some way.

    I'd replace 'dreams' you could find one word immeasurably better.

    May the wind deliver
    The cold and sweet intense gentleness
    As the rhythm of the melody may charm
    Those who are the worthy ones.


    gosh, I love these closing lines,

    respite in the wind
    and
    who you are
    being enough that it serves as chance.


    miraculous poem
    | Posted on 2009-04-21 00:00:00 | by bywayof | [ Reply to This ]



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