Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password


Author: JoJoCrab
Elite Ratio:    1.06 - 338 /113 /129
Words: 227
Class/Type: Poetry /Alone
Total Views: 866
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 751



Dear Sabrina,

The lonely beach shores, I walk
Tossing salty seashells of affection to you
A pursued love interest
Overflowed tears held as I wept
Slithering ghostly as we never embrace
A tender kiss, ponders across the bays
Given a mysterious essence
We are lost in a oceanview
Recollecting inner thoughts about another
A woman I have found,but her anchor abreast
Rejections are raging waves
As a stranger to calm sea
Can float away from the peaceful shores

Yours truly,

Submitted on 2009-04-21 15:27:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  Oh what a wonderful piece, you were so lucky to have these words with these emotions written down into paper. I like the whole poem and specially this line:

" The lonely beach shores, I walk " the first line is so amazing. Good job and keep writing.
| Posted on 2009-04-22 00:00:00 | by Khaled AbdAllah | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?