I like it. Simple and direct yet still elegant. Very much like the Japanese culture in a way. I happen to admire things that are so simple and yet can imply a great deal with ease.
This is one of the few very short pieces that I approve of. With it being so short not a lot for me to hold against it. So there is nothing more to say.
I know Haiku's are a very interesting, I know at one point I would like to learn how to write one, but to be honest I feel it kills my mood, the flow, the way things should be. I feel the same way about outlines by the way, I feel writing should be disorganize in order to work. If you put too much thought into something, you end up over analyzing everything and then its not sincere. But this is just me.
Now to address your piece, I have no clue what so ever what you meant to accomplish by this haiku. I liked the title "five become seventeen", it caught my attention but mainly I think because my brain interpreted into something familiar, something related to me. (selfish aren't I )
... I can't possible imagine what you are referring and I am sorry I am not much help. It seems to be very straightforward and I cant relate to it.
Submission Name: Five Become Seventeen
