Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Every Inch in me dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ladydeathstrike
    ASL Info:    27/F/Chicago
    Elite Ratio:    5.27 - 259/284/94
    Words: 154
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 611
    Average Vote:    2.0000
    Bytes: 1105



    Description:
       peeling the outer layer... kinda like peeling a carrot till you find the nice vibrant color.....


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEvery Inch in me dots
    -------------------------------------------



    I feel you're giving it to me again,
    Fueling me with your seduction,
    Looking at me with that stare.

    Beckon me,
    With no physical force.
    Magnetically hold on,
    To the air.

    Itís still light outside.
    The curtains drawn,
    The lights dimmed.

    Shadows peeking in
    Not embarrassed to see

    Itís tantric,
    And heated.

    Sitting perfectly still,
    Extending our Ö closer
    Until we start revolving.

    And I watch you from the corner,
    Climbing into me.
    While your sitting far away,
    Feeling on the verge of Ö

    The ecstasy of sharing a fantasy
    Without ever touching

    Holding our breath,
    For fear of fluttering eyelids,
    And loosing the moment.

    Itís tantric,
    And heated.

    Listen to the rhythmic motive,
    Were making music at dusk.

    Feeling the air,
    A space Iím not afraid
    To share.






    Submitted on 2009-04-23 23:25:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      what death says, is always true i guess...
    er... a very intimate poem. almost too intimate.almost.
    liked the way you used a lot of stanzas and particular words to create a kind of hesitant and vulnerable atmosphere. dont know if its just me or if its supposed to be that way.
    btw i dont feel unwelcome here or anything like that.
    there was a moment when i thougt to myself that you relinquish too much. but i think thats what poetry is all about. sheer poetry then, huh?
    dont know if my comment's worth anything to you, but it was a pleasure.

    thanks for letting me read,
    sober and the reply,
    allan
    | Posted on 2009-06-15 00:00:00 | by Jimi James | [ Reply to This ]
      It is pretty. Nice choice of words and phrases. However the reader is not so welcome here. It feels like you have all these images in your mind and are trying to convey them all at once with the feelings. It doesn't work that easy. Readers are not mind readers too most a pity.

    I wish I could offer more useful comments. It is very much like this piece is on the end of unfolding itself and letting the reader into its depths. Almost. Only to be stopped short.
    | Posted on 2009-04-24 00:00:00 | by death22881 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    173610

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Sunt Mala Quae Libas written by MyPeriodical
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    This written by Chelebel
    The Last to Walk the Earth written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Incubus written by monad
    Genesis written by saartha
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Born of the Mouth written by MyPeriodical
    By the bar written by expiring_touch
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry