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    dots Submission Name: Every Inch in me dots

    Author: ladydeathstrike
    ASL Info:    27/F/Chicago
    Elite Ratio:    5.27 - 259/284/94
    Words: 154
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 611
    Average Vote:    2.0000
    Bytes: 1105

       peeling the outer layer... kinda like peeling a carrot till you find the nice vibrant color.....

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEvery Inch in me dots

    I feel you're giving it to me again,
    Fueling me with your seduction,
    Looking at me with that stare.

    Beckon me,
    With no physical force.
    Magnetically hold on,
    To the air.

    Itís still light outside.
    The curtains drawn,
    The lights dimmed.

    Shadows peeking in
    Not embarrassed to see

    Itís tantric,
    And heated.

    Sitting perfectly still,
    Extending our Ö closer
    Until we start revolving.

    And I watch you from the corner,
    Climbing into me.
    While your sitting far away,
    Feeling on the verge of Ö

    The ecstasy of sharing a fantasy
    Without ever touching

    Holding our breath,
    For fear of fluttering eyelids,
    And loosing the moment.

    Itís tantric,
    And heated.

    Listen to the rhythmic motive,
    Were making music at dusk.

    Feeling the air,
    A space Iím not afraid
    To share.

    Submitted on 2009-04-23 23:25:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      what death says, is always true i guess...
    er... a very intimate poem. almost too intimate.almost.
    liked the way you used a lot of stanzas and particular words to create a kind of hesitant and vulnerable atmosphere. dont know if its just me or if its supposed to be that way.
    btw i dont feel unwelcome here or anything like that.
    there was a moment when i thougt to myself that you relinquish too much. but i think thats what poetry is all about. sheer poetry then, huh?
    dont know if my comment's worth anything to you, but it was a pleasure.

    thanks for letting me read,
    sober and the reply,
    | Posted on 2009-06-15 00:00:00 | by Jimi James | [ Reply to This ]
      It is pretty. Nice choice of words and phrases. However the reader is not so welcome here. It feels like you have all these images in your mind and are trying to convey them all at once with the feelings. It doesn't work that easy. Readers are not mind readers too most a pity.

    I wish I could offer more useful comments. It is very much like this piece is on the end of unfolding itself and letting the reader into its depths. Almost. Only to be stopped short.
    | Posted on 2009-04-24 00:00:00 | by death22881 | [ Reply to This ]

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