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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Waiting for the Girldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Black Rock Tractor
    Elite Ratio:    3.78 - 555/824/140
    Words: 104
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1393
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 736



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWaiting for the Girldots
    -------------------------------------------


    She's a bucket of harpoons
    And paperclips
    Dumped in a swimming pool
    For no apparent reason
    But everybody keeps
    Throwing frozen fish
    And newspaper-clippings
    In with her as if
    They have a need
    To make her make sense
    Because she's too beautiful
    Not to have a purpose
    And they just sit by the pool
    Crouching over with their hands on the side
    Expressions on their faces
    Like stone-age warriors
    Waiting for the girl
    To meet their expectations
    But she just rests on the bottom
    Not able to pick herself up
    Or escape the stares
    That wobble through the surface
    Of the water




    Submitted on 2004-07-15 11:07:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      its such a wonderful meaning that you conveyed perfectly with beautiful words. this is an amazingly poetic piece that makes the reader think, not just about the specific topic the poem is addressing, but about the human condition in general. i'm a big fan of studying the human condition and it's components, and this is a wonderful display of the meaning of the human condition. its so sharp, and so meaningful. i love it. great work. i would love to hear more from you about the subject. you obviously have great talent.
    | Posted on 2004-10-10 00:00:00 | by rissaberry | [ Reply to This ]
      i enjoyed this poem because it shows how humans can be so self centered. no matter what theyare looking at, they disrespect everything just to get their two-second pleasures. thanks for the good read.
    | Posted on 2004-08-14 00:00:00 | by osweetrepose | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this... firstly i thought it was a girl and then i thought it was like a killer whale or whatever and either way it works... i mostly love the part about make her make sense... such a brilliant line though i dont understand the worlds fascination with making things make sense... why cant something just be beautiful for the sake of being beautiful and not pulled apart until it cant do anything but hide at the bottom of the pool and be admired through the water of illusions... i dont know what im on about but i very like this write!
    | Posted on 2004-07-24 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      This makes me think about celebrities and all the stuff they go through. It makes me think that the whole world is waiting for her to screw up but they don't understand that she's already at the bottom. Great job on this. I love the comparisons you made.
    --blt
    | Posted on 2004-07-15 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      well im loving this...i got from it pretty much what gob did...and what a great image to describe it...though the frozen fish part made me laugh a little...i think im adding this to my favs ...becuase i really like what your saying...smiles ange
    | Posted on 2004-07-15 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]
      such rich comparisons that defy the expectations of the crowd. i've read your work lately (although i didn't have anything new to add to the comments that were already there so i just enjoyed them) and i think i like this best; not too much given away about our bucket of harpoon girl, but just enough to understand her point of view, trapped as much by gravity as anything winking down on her from her seat at the bottom of the pool.

    ~Blue
    | Posted on 2004-07-15 00:00:00 | by blueorchids | [ Reply to This ]
      I really love the symbolism here. Not that I've grasped it, but that I have something to go back and explore. I qppreciate when I'm not spoonfed. I will be reading this again. Very nice work
    | Posted on 2004-07-15 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]
      I got an image of a killer whale or dolphin hiding at the bottom of it's tank away from the crowd that gawks. I think you gave me this image with the throwing of frozen fish and the Geographic camers. (I thought of National Geographic and the fantastic nature photo's they print.)

    I do see that the piece speaks of how expectations can paralyze with the pressure to meet them.

    Here is an awkward line you may want to take another stab at..."To make her make sense"...maybe "To have her make sense." ??

    I enjoyed the poem.
    | Posted on 2004-07-15 00:00:00 | by angela~ | [ Reply to This ]
      Suppressed laugh there. Makes me think of someone, it really does. Strange thing is, everyone likes her, including me. So, every night and day we go to the fishbowl... Its hillarious. I wonder, no I don't, I'll leave it unsaid. I'm sure you didn't write this to be comedy, but thats what I got.
    | Posted on 2004-07-16 00:00:00 | by Lelik | [ Reply to This ]


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