Waiting for the Girl -------------------------------------------
She's a bucket of harpoons
Dumped in a swimming pool
For no apparent reason
But everybody keeps
Throwing frozen fish
In with her as if
They have a need
To make her make sense
Because she's too beautiful
Not to have a purpose
And they just sit by the pool
Crouching over with their hands on the side
Expressions on their faces
Like stone-age warriors
Waiting for the girl
To meet their expectations
But she just rests on the bottom
Not able to pick herself up
Or escape the stares
That wobble through the surface
Of the water
its such a wonderful meaning that you conveyed perfectly with beautiful words. this is an amazingly poetic piece that makes the reader think, not just about the specific topic the poem is addressing, but about the human condition in general. i'm a big fan of studying the human condition and it's components, and this is a wonderful display of the meaning of the human condition. its so sharp, and so meaningful. i love it. great work. i would love to hear more from you about the subject. you obviously have great talent.
i like this... firstly i thought it was a girl and then i thought it was like a killer whale or whatever and either way it works... i mostly love the part about make her make sense... such a brilliant line though i dont understand the worlds fascination with making things make sense... why cant something just be beautiful for the sake of being beautiful and not pulled apart until it cant do anything but hide at the bottom of the pool and be admired through the water of illusions... i dont know what im on about but i very like this write!
This makes me think about celebrities and all the stuff they go through. It makes me think that the whole world is waiting for her to screw up but they don't understand that she's already at the bottom. Great job on this. I love the comparisons you made. --blt
well im loving this...i got from it pretty much what gob did...and what a great image to describe it...though the frozen fish part made me laugh a little...i think im adding this to my favs ...becuase i really like what your saying...smiles ange
such rich comparisons that defy the expectations of the crowd. i've read your work lately (although i didn't have anything new to add to the comments that were already there so i just enjoyed them) and i think i like this best; not too much given away about our bucket of harpoon girl, but just enough to understand her point of view, trapped as much by gravity as anything winking down on her from her seat at the bottom of the pool.
I got an image of a killer whale or dolphin hiding at the bottom of it's tank away from the crowd that gawks. I think you gave me this image with the throwing of frozen fish and the Geographic camers. (I thought of National Geographic and the fantastic nature photo's they print.)
I do see that the piece speaks of how expectations can paralyze with the pressure to meet them.
Here is an awkward line you may want to take another stab at..."To make her make sense"...maybe "To have her make sense." ??
Suppressed laugh there. Makes me think of someone, it really does. Strange thing is, everyone likes her, including me. So, every night and day we go to the fishbowl... Its hillarious. I wonder, no I don't, I'll leave it unsaid. I'm sure you didn't write this to be comedy, but thats what I got.