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    dots Submission Name: Straight Jacketdots

    Author: Spin
    Elite Ratio:    2.89 - 72/101/84
    Words: 83
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 862
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 651


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsStraight Jacketdots

    Tip toe,
    quite violence
    screams in my ear
    questions asked daily
    Am I crazy?
    Fat and Lazy
    Hazy blades of concrete
    Shave city streets
    So close
    Irritated conscious be
    bold and cold
    to kill and be killed
    he said she said
    stairs so crooked
    the silence grows like mold
    flows like wine
    from the hands sublime
    bleeds bright red
    spoon fed to the mouths
    of passing clouds
    only to dissipate
    into the masturbating hands
    of God himself

    Submitted on 2009-04-26 20:08:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      you can feel the frantic, almost muttering to yourself while shaking in a strait jacket (hence the title) ha

    one thing...bold and cold...didnt sit well with me felt like it was just thrown it to rhyme , although it set up a line couple lines down pretty good, if im off base lemme know cause you got skillz and i wanna make sure im not tryin to critique when theres somthin missin im not seeing, ya know.

    thank you for sharing again
    | Posted on 2009-05-04 00:00:00 | by lone_one | [ Reply to This ]
      i love this! as i started it was good but the more i read the more i grinned at how real and well written this was...tell me more.. :)
    | Posted on 2009-04-27 00:00:00 | by suicidalacts72 | [ Reply to This ]
      The vision is sooooo clear ! hope to read more
    | Posted on 2009-04-27 00:00:00 | by miggy | [ Reply to This ]
      What an image! Wonderful wordsmanship! Only thing I am going to point out is did you mean "quiet violence"? or did you mean "quite violent"? quite violence just throws the flow.

    ~Carrie =]
    | Posted on 2009-04-27 00:00:00 | by dismal_s child | [ Reply to This ]

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