This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -

Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password


Author: joezwells
Elite Ratio:    3.79 - 64 /79 /55
Words: 357
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 1150
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 2125



little girl, you are so cute
auntie loves you, and will pull you through
mommy left, and you dont understand
daddy's to gone, to lend you his hand
mommy never calls
please know its not your fault
i am here and will never leave
i can handle whatevers up your sleve
your to little to understand
please just know i will take your hand
i will give you everything, you'll ever need
i will explain to you, everthing you see
one day soon, you will begin to understand
thats drugs and alcohol, delt you this hand
i hope mommy lands
but its already too late
she doesnt realize, she mad it this way
and if daddy ever stops
he will realize all his faults
daddy is in pain
but some how some day
he will realize he was wrong
please just forgive him
becasue he doesnt understand
he doesnt know how bad you hurt
and he will lend you his hand
mommy made bad choices
she choose to ignore all the voices
grown ups who are sick
they dont always get to pick
the path she chose was wrong
and now shes too far gone
life is what you make it
and when the joint is passed
i pray you dont take it
instead please call me
and i will be sure you make it
i love you all my life
and know that you strong
sometimes you will be wrong
but i will never be gone
you will always have me
and for that i am lucky
i am blessed with a niece like you
i am proud to say
i was with you while you grew
your growing up to fast
its amazing how much time has past
your about to be eight
and soon be on your first date
life is not easy
and people are difficult to please
but you are very smart
and can over come obstecles with ease
baby girl, i love you with all my heart
and with saying that
i pray you know, that we will never part

Submitted on 2009-04-26 21:20:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  This piece is well written and the emotions attached to it are so real. Broken home is always been a problem for the kids. They are innocent, and both the mom and dad enjoyed their night to the fullest and when the little babies come they abandon them. It is not the kids' fault, but the parents fault.

I like the way you rhyme the sentence it is nice. It would be better if you separate it into stanzas.

- Dave -
| Posted on 2009-05-22 00:00:00 | by garnet4david | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?