[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: BABY GIR I LOVE YOU dots

    Author: joezwells
    Elite Ratio:    3.81 - 64/78/54
    Words: 357
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 783
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2125


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBABY GIR I LOVE YOU dots

    little girl, you are so cute
    auntie loves you, and will pull you through
    mommy left, and you dont understand
    daddy's to gone, to lend you his hand
    mommy never calls
    please know its not your fault
    i am here and will never leave
    i can handle whatevers up your sleve
    your to little to understand
    please just know i will take your hand
    i will give you everything, you'll ever need
    i will explain to you, everthing you see
    one day soon, you will begin to understand
    thats drugs and alcohol, delt you this hand
    i hope mommy lands
    but its already too late
    she doesnt realize, she mad it this way
    and if daddy ever stops
    he will realize all his faults
    daddy is in pain
    but some how some day
    he will realize he was wrong
    please just forgive him
    becasue he doesnt understand
    he doesnt know how bad you hurt
    and he will lend you his hand
    mommy made bad choices
    she choose to ignore all the voices
    grown ups who are sick
    they dont always get to pick
    the path she chose was wrong
    and now shes too far gone
    life is what you make it
    and when the joint is passed
    i pray you dont take it
    instead please call me
    and i will be sure you make it
    i love you all my life
    and know that you strong
    sometimes you will be wrong
    but i will never be gone
    you will always have me
    and for that i am lucky
    i am blessed with a niece like you
    i am proud to say
    i was with you while you grew
    your growing up to fast
    its amazing how much time has past
    your about to be eight
    and soon be on your first date
    life is not easy
    and people are difficult to please
    but you are very smart
    and can over come obstecles with ease
    baby girl, i love you with all my heart
    and with saying that
    i pray you know, that we will never part

    Submitted on 2009-04-26 21:20:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This piece is well written and the emotions attached to it are so real. Broken home is always been a problem for the kids. They are innocent, and both the mom and dad enjoyed their night to the fullest and when the little babies come they abandon them. It is not the kids' fault, but the parents fault.

    I like the way you rhyme the sentence it is nice. It would be better if you separate it into stanzas.

    - Dave -
    | Posted on 2009-05-22 00:00:00 | by garnet4david | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]