Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I'm Finedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Rubesangel
    ASL Info:    16/female/ LehighAcers Fl
    Elite Ratio:    2.06 - 8/13/25
    Words: 124
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 547
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 826



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI'm Finedots
    -------------------------------------------


    It's gone
    What's gone? My mind?
    Soul? No, I'm fine
    Not really
    Deep inside, something is missing
    The love and tender kissing
    He walked out hiself
    Now all I do is talk to myself
    in the mirror, with my reflection
    My heart is dead
    Soon it will make a resurrection
    Once the wounds heal
    And I'm loved for real
    A type of love I can feel
    But nobody loves me
    Nobody cares
    Nobody loves me
    That nobody is me
    I can't love myself because no one does
    I'm all alone and no longer what I once was
    But the only thing that keeps me alive
    Is knowing that the next day, it might all change
    For the best
    And that "nobody" becomes somebody




    Submitted on 2009-04-27 13:38:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      thanks for adding one of my poems as your fav. thats means so much. now your poetry...wow. at frist it seemed a little confusing...but then you took all your thoughts and strung them together. so props for doing that. being a teenager in love is hard. i know that because watching him walk away and go home for two weeks nearly kills me inside( my bf lives in ocala,fl. which isn't close to tampa.) i hate watching his car drive off but to help me get through it i remeber he will be back soon.
    always remeber they may walk out on you but sometimes they come back.
    -rachi:)-
    | Posted on 2009-10-06 00:00:00 | by PopRocksRae | [ Reply to This ]
      it is a pretty good poem. I like how you play with words. "nobody cares/ nobody loves me/ that nobody is me". Are you aware that by those three lines you let your readers think that you love and that you care about yourself? It is a very interesting turn you took by saying that "that nobody is me", just that the next line contradicts everything, since you are saying that you can not love yourself. Considering the ending of your poem, you most probably meant to say that you feel like you are a nobody. What about: "because I am nobody" instead of "that nobody is me"? Or if you want to keep the idea that somewhere deep inside, you actually feel love for yourself, change the line after for "But it is hard to love myself because no one does". Well, that's the little contradiction in your poem, but otherwise you expressed very well your feelings in this poem. One more thing about "I can't love myself because no one does": it is true that the love you have for yourself and the loves others have for you are tightly linked together. But keep in mind that the opposite is also possible; if you love yourself others will love you too. Actually is more than possible, it is what you have to do in order to avoid a downward spiral. Learn to love yourself. First find love for yourself and then the love you are longing for will come to you. You don't have to look for love somewhere else than in your own heart. Others love for you is in YOUR heart, not in theirs.
    Love, Laura
    | Posted on 2009-04-28 00:00:00 | by ChaoticLaurel | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    173745

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry