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    dots Submission Name: Structured Settlementdots

    Author: AeThe Lost Poet
    ASL Info:    19/M/DE
    Elite Ratio:    3.6 - 147/184/122
    Words: 144
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 793
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1079

       this is about the girl who first broke my apathy, and you know what? i miss her

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsStructured Settlementdots

    my heart ruptures
    pleading for a structured
    settlement plus her
    words and agreed terms
    she'd rather heal
    than to leaved burned
    i'd rather not feel
    then to feel worse
    or bitter
    but when with her
    it's crazy she litters
    herself into you
    and all of a sudden
    it's like BAMM!
    now she's into you
    now you're into her
    now you're into verbs
    now you're mixing conviction
    with sins into words
    fixing yourself up
    but heart bringing you down to earth
    the vixen is right
    but it still don't sound it's worth
    because falling is fun
    but the stop is bound to hurt
    but i've been thinking
    profound is her...
    the sound of her name
    makes me me speechless
    intense- strong enough
    to make me leak this
    combination so right
    she's got my head spinning
    and it's feeling so light......

    Submitted on 2009-04-29 14:26:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      This is a great. I read it aloud and obviously since it's not mine, I stutter alot, but I like the rhymes.

    because falling is fun
    but the stop is bound to hurt

    Very cleverly put.
    I love the slants, man.. Perfect rhymes get boring quick. Predictable.
    | Posted on 2009-05-18 00:00:00 | by MyWorld | [ Reply to This ]
      Becareful of the poets plight,
    As you blaze your third eye 'pon her
    And though it may shine so clear and bright
    Beware! She could steal some of its light

    In your description you say "she broke (your) apathy" and judging by the tone of that I'd say be careful around its "shattered pieces". The formulative stages of any new relationship are tricky, devote too much of feeling towards someone and you could soon find your ability to express and even feel such feelings robbed from you should she fuc.k you over, for want of a better phrase. But on a less pessimistic side ha it was thoughtful and brimming with good word play. My favourite part was

    "i'd rather not feel then to feel worse
    or bitter
    but when with her
    it's crazy she litters
    herself into you"

    That was excellent. There is a couple of things I'd change but only in a tedious way and most likely not enough for your benifit to mention.

    Good luck with it
    | Posted on 2009-04-29 00:00:00 | by Sethesin | [ Reply to This ]

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