I don't believe in dreams
Anymore
don't believe theres something
Better
don't remember what i wanted
Before
but I suppose that doesn't
Matter
And I scream
as I cry
Fall to the floor
sit here waiting
I live to die
is there anything
worth left
contemplating?
Hard to feel my soul
Anymore
I think maybe its been
Wasted
Visiting these feelings
again once more
I suppose I"m just'
Jaded
And I scream
as I cry
Fall to the floor
sit here waiting
I live to die
is there anything
worth left
contemplating?
so take my hand
and let me pull you down
into this nightmare
foreseen awake
given all i've had to give
nothing left for them to take
No more dreams
for them to break
Shatter my heart
and leave it
in desolate remains
I've been meaning to comment on this one literally since you posted it, sorry it took so long :(
unfortunatly I can't even be a little unbiased here, this is one of the saddest things I've read in a while, and would be pretty emotional if it wasn't yours- but no where near as much. if that makes sense?
Structure is perfect, something I rarely get down- flow is almost flawless too, which adds this little sting to the meaning because you have to slow yourself down and/or read it a few times just to get the full extent of it.
One thing though, and I can't tell if it was deliberate because of the meaning you were portraying, or because structurally you just prefer it - but -
"is there anything
worth left
contemplating?"
that's the only thing I really dislike about the write itself. worth left contemplating? my mind kept attempting to read it as left worth contemplating. and then I thought about it further and am not sure I completely understand why you had it that way?
other than that though this was a very good write, just incredibly sad and painful, but I have no room to speak there :P still, it does hurt a lot to think you actually feel this way still =[
This piece is pretty good at expressing a good emotion throughout it but it'd be better if the reason for those feelings was explained a bit. A bit broad and general.
Submission Name: Invocation
