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    dots Submission Name: Invocationdots

    Author: dismentled
    ASL Info:    26/M/"South of Heaven"
    Elite Ratio:    4.06 - 625/583/217
    Words: 139
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Longing
    Total Views: 1098
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1073


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    I don't believe in dreams
    don't believe theres something
    don't remember what i wanted
    but I suppose that doesn't

    And I scream
    as I cry
    Fall to the floor
    sit here waiting
    I live to die
    is there anything
    worth left

    Hard to feel my soul
    I think maybe its been
    Visiting these feelings
    again once more
    I suppose I"m just'

    And I scream
    as I cry
    Fall to the floor
    sit here waiting
    I live to die
    is there anything
    worth left

    so take my hand
    and let me pull you down
    into this nightmare
    foreseen awake
    given all i've had to give
    nothing left for them to take
    No more dreams
    for them to break
    Shatter my heart
    and leave it
    in desolate remains

    Submitted on 2009-04-29 22:04:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I've been meaning to comment on this one literally since you posted it, sorry it took so long :(

    unfortunatly I can't even be a little unbiased here, this is one of the saddest things I've read in a while, and would be pretty emotional if it wasn't yours- but no where near as much. if that makes sense?

    Structure is perfect, something I rarely get down- flow is almost flawless too, which adds this little sting to the meaning because you have to slow yourself down and/or read it a few times just to get the full extent of it.

    One thing though, and I can't tell if it was deliberate because of the meaning you were portraying, or because structurally you just prefer it - but -

    "is there anything
    worth left

    that's the only thing I really dislike about the write itself. worth left contemplating? my mind kept attempting to read it as left worth contemplating. and then I thought about it further and am not sure I completely understand why you had it that way?

    other than that though this was a very good write, just incredibly sad and painful, but I have no room to speak there :P still, it does hurt a lot to think you actually feel this way still =[

    I love you <3
    | Posted on 2009-05-07 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      This piece is pretty good at expressing a good emotion throughout it but it'd be better if the reason for those feelings was explained a bit. A bit broad and general.
    | Posted on 2009-05-01 00:00:00 | by hybridsongwrite | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow that is brilliant! and could be the lyrics to a fantastic song too i think...very powerful words..well written!
    | Posted on 2009-04-30 00:00:00 | by stormyskies | [ Reply to This ]

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