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Flesh & Blood

Author: babytinkerbelle
ASL Info:    26/f/aus
Elite Ratio:    5.25 - 310 /209 /42
Words: 131
Class/Type: Rant /Serious
Total Views: 983
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 799


So I took a re-look at the origional Flesh and Blood, for the life of me I can't remember what I was writing about, there was one instance that came to mind, but it twoyears after I wrote the origional piece.

So I wrote a bit more, things that I have bottled up inside of me for such a long time, not even my partner knows how much this really hurt.

Anyway, tell me what you guys think please

Flesh & Blood

How can you call yourself
My flesh and blood
When you have no respect for me
You call me names
And hurt me deep
Those wounds will never heal
You’re my baby brother
I would stand beside you till the end
But until you learn to show respect
The ties are severely damaged

I admit, I shouldn’t retaliate
I say things that I don’t mean
It’s too late to take them back
Accusing me, of things I’m not
A slut, a whore, a liar and a cheat
We are adults now, why can’t we get along?
The night you chose, it wasn’t just me!
I hated you that night
But I can’t seem to comprehend
Why I feel that way,
When I would gladly give you anything.

Submitted on 2009-04-29 22:35:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  When I first read this, I thought, "No comment." but then I realized that just doing small things, like commenting, can change the way a person writes. Plus, not many people that I know of ever take enough time to comment the right way, not just, "Oh, I've written stuff like this." but real detail, and I don't want to be one of them. So here is what else I thought when I read your poem:

The first part I understood, it started clear; your brother doesn't respect you, but you'd still help him if he needed it.

The second part started to confuse me though. It wasn't like an Oh well...I don't get this, but more like you're trailing off because when you say:

We are adults now, why can’t we get along?
The night you chose, it wasn’t just me!
I hated you that night

I'm not fully understanding what your trying to tell the audience. I'm understanding the fact he made a decision and ggave you the shot end of the stick, if any. I'm just wondering, what kind of decision were you getting at there?

Anyway, I liked it but you might want to re-read your own work and then reply to my comment, or maybe even fix it.

| Posted on 2009-04-30 00:00:00 | by stormybluerose | [ Reply to This ]

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