[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: this my promisedots

    Author: suicidalacts72
    ASL Info:    20/f/WI
    Elite Ratio:    3.08 - 189/150/69
    Words: 47
    Class/Type: Poetry/Trapped
    Total Views: 489
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 308


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthis my promisedots

    i love you and your all i want
    hold me close
    your in my viens
    part of this
    a whole
    but i crave
    i have desire
    dare i
    this my promise
    for only you
    no escape
    in your arms
    i drown smothered
    with your love...

    Submitted on 2009-04-29 22:55:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This needs some work, but has potential for an excellent poem. I especially like the closing two lines

    'i drown smothered
    with your love...'

    A spelling correction is needed; the possessive word your in the first and again in the third line should be changed to the contraction "you're".

    | Posted on 2009-04-30 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    written by Daniel Barlow
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Before, Now, & After written by SincerWritinAsh
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Summer written by layDsayD
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Fasade written by jackz
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Bond written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    written by Daniel Barlow
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    AI written by poetotoe
    True Death written by layDsayD




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]