Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: wordsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: The Conqueror
    ASL Info:    21/female/Missouri
    Elite Ratio:    3.48 - 178/204/42
    Words: 213
    Class/Type: Prose/Misc
    Total Views: 985
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1305



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotswordsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I won't speak the words you whispered across my bare shoulder
    the simple phrase that slipped from your tongue and
    crawled slickly down my skin
    carried on warm breath and stirring
    the thick dust that lay on parts I'd forgotten how to use
    those words... they oiled the rusting gears in my chest
    and began to turn them with plaintive groans
    generating the warmth of summer days and distant awe of starry nights
    the romance of a full moon and the thrill of a golden field rich with noises
    knowing well that they could be taken away
    those words
    I spoke them back, feeling the raw honesty scraping across my soul
    envisioning as you told me your wants
    I saw my children with your eyes
    two boys with your ornery lopsided grin
    and dark childish lashes chasing fairy tale words across a page
    I saw the picture you spoke into being
    the single knee meeting the ground
    your right hand grasping my left
    a vision that lacked appeal until
    it was painted blue with your eyes
    yet words are only words
    and they rang sour in the tones of truth
    so ends the voice with an empty bed
    a lost future
    and the regaining of an independent soul




    Submitted on 2009-04-30 18:38:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      You know I hate to be contrary to popular opinion , but to me this poem seems to be about a relationship with a man who hasn't lived up to loves potential suddenly espousing unfamiliar words of passion and devotion . Then although your vulnerability causes these words to touch you deeply , upon second thought you realize how hollow they sound , given your past , and refuse to take those vows of love . Leaving his bed empty and him forlorn as you assert your independence . Maybe I'm just out in left field but none the less I say "bravo" thats giving him his just desserts .

    Bruce
    | Posted on 2010-10-13 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]
      "they oiled the rusting gears in my chest
    and began to turn them with plaintive groans"

    what? that was so sick! i mean that in a good way, i love this line. although i don't love the fact you didn't rhyme in this, (that just shows how close minded i am, of course nothing against you). you have an ability inffluence a persons emotions, by describing the feeling induced by three simple words very well. when you wrote this it was obviously made with a purpose, and whom ever it is for, make sure you give it them... and if you they make you truly feel this way, never let them go.
    | Posted on 2009-05-14 00:00:00 | by AeThe Lost Poet | [ Reply to This ]
      Words are so insidious, are they not? :3

    I particularly liked the phrase "I saw my children with your eyes," and the following sentence (that I'm too lazy to repeat here). Beautiful thoughts on paper, I'm inclined to say. Just lovely.

    Thank you for sharing this - it's perfect the way it is.

    ~Quin
    | Posted on 2009-05-03 00:00:00 | by Quin | [ Reply to This ]
      Who indeed knows what the future holds for us all. Your description and word choice is perfect for the mood you set in this piece.

    Very nicely written.

    Frank.
    | Posted on 2009-05-01 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      I see myself in this as I am sure you do. All he visions we see in love are in reality just visons or dreams. Not bad to chase, but in reality still dreams, and in the day's end we sleep and rise alone. I love your poem. Keepp up the good work. And comment on some of mine some time.
    | Posted on 2009-04-30 00:00:00 | by Doublefeather | [ Reply to This ]
      You write eloquently, lovely lady! I liked the ending the best, although I thought the entire verse was good;

    "yet words are only words
    and they rang sour in the tones of truth
    so ends the voice with an empty bed
    a lost future
    and the regaining of an independent soul"

    Sigh! At what price freedom!

    I can envision you slipping easily into your future in the world dominated by English and writing!

    Nice to have you back!

    | Posted on 2009-04-30 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    173872

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    This written by Chelebel
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Bond written by saartha
    To written by SavedDragon
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Linger written by saartha
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry