Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lethargic, somewhatdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: meoww
    Elite Ratio:    6.75 - 262/258/143
    Words: 120
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1163
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 711



    Description:
       ...is on a posting frenzy.
    somewhat.
    sorry.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLethargic, somewhatdots
    -------------------------------------------




    Since you've gone, my clothes have held
    the floor in sullen splendour. Empty coffee
    cups, a greasy bowl, and raggedy paper

    with poems scrawled in half-light corners.
    My home is books and silence, and the stains
    of smoke curling to the ceiling. A statue

    of Kuan Yin holds this motley world to
    attention. I sigh often, breathe in notes and
    hope that not all will be forgotten. Not here,

    or there, or ever, if I could find the twins
    to my vanished socks, and the reason behind
    reflection. A mirror! A grumbling stomach.

    A painting
    I'll never finish.




    Submitted on 2009-05-03 06:13:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Why is a messy room one of the most depressing things that can happen to a person?

    This poem feels so resigned to aloneness and that sinking misery that goes hand in hand with it. You capture the mood of an empty house perfectly, I started to feel all miserable and hopeless, and then you mention Kuan Yin, god of compassion right?, and I'm thinking, huh, it aint working. She feels detatched- 'holding the room to attention'- and frankly not compassionate at all. I imagined the room holding its breath under her gaze.

    It sort of starts to feel more hopeful, but then I realised that the twins to vanished socks are never found, that's one of life's bigger mysteries, so does that mean it will all be forgotten? The reason behind reflection, that's a big question, too, and probably also unsolvable. My immediate answer was (if you hadn't mentioned a mirror, then I wouldn't have thought it but you did, so I did) vanity. And then I spiralled into feeling seriously hopeless again.

    I imagined you up in the ceiling of your home, surveying your world and what it has become with a peculiar detatchment, this resigned feeling. Oh, emptiness.

    'A painting/I'll never finish'- and then I was plummeting into despair. That line just finshes off your poem so well, I can't work out why.

    God I feel miserable now.

    Written beautifully, as ever. Not a word out of place.

    Aly
    | Posted on 2009-07-15 00:00:00 | by AlyRose | [ Reply to This ]
      in the morning, in the mirror where the poem appears.. sad write, but beautiful

    merlo
    | Posted on 2009-05-25 00:00:00 | by blackbird | [ Reply to This ]
      Hoooooooo boy. Melancholy at its worst. Hate that stooopid feeling.

    Somehow I picture the setting to this at dusk.

    Good ending. Good writing, a fine wine of bottled sorrow.
    | Posted on 2009-05-05 00:00:00 | by Maverique | [ Reply to This ]
      yeah to the sprees... weeeeeeeeeeeee.

    where do those missing socks go to? that's what i want to know.

    there is nothing more sad then your own crumpled up clothes along the one side of bed that you sleep on. i think they get all lonely crumpled up by themselves.

    there is nothing more sad, then sighs spilling out like smoke towards the ceiling all by their lonesome.

    there is nothing sad about memories that should be held and kept, because at one point in life, they held importance, and still do.

    sigh.

    useless, unspecified comment...

    but yea, i know this feeling.
    | Posted on 2009-05-03 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    173940

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Formal Jen written by Daniel Barlow
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    an unashamed poverty written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    a safe place written by Daniel Barlow
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    prison written by ShyOne
    Every..... written by jackz
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    no words for how graceful you are in this moment written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    You read free written by poetotoe
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Yes written by poetotoe
    the testing of hypotheses written by Daniel Barlow
    Records I written by Raphael
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Carry written by saartha

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry