This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -
 

Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

"If Only Hearts Were That Simple"


Author: AeThe Lost Poet
ASL Info:    19/M/DE
Elite Ratio:    3.6 - 147 /184 /122
Words: 189
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1624
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1118



Description:




"If Only Hearts Were That Simple"



In everything, there is tears
no sorrow is untold
but my fears are less simple
as the plot unfolds:

the clock ticks
the watch slips of the cocked wrist
pointed heavy, the pun
load and lock this
spotless bullet of words
she revealed to me
even more the absurd
they appealed to me
even more than the hurt
that i wrote with the pen
my heart was soaked
in a load of pretend
when i wrote
i devoted the pen
when i spoke
i denoted the when
where and how,
but was slow to defend
my own actions-
know the intent
to preserve her own dignity
know she's a friend

---*or even better yet, was*---

and if only hearts were that simple
and mine were unbound
i was waiting for a "thank you"
but didn't hear a sound
if only hearts were that simple
so i took the blame
made myself look bad
so she wouldn't look the same.....




Submitted on 2009-05-04 10:47:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  Ah AE i like it. you can see the speaker wearing his heart on his sleeve but trying to just nod goodbye to her as she gives him "lets be freinds" speech and breaks his heart. your rhyming was nice as usual. in some places it felt a little drawn out but it was very enjoyable to read.

(thanks for you kind words on my little poem Backing Up, I like being called a genious)

thank you for the great write!

Ash
| Posted on 2009-12-12 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



173983