Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: "If Only Hearts Were That Simple"dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AeThe Lost Poet
    ASL Info:    19/M/DE
    Elite Ratio:    3.6 - 147/184/122
    Words: 189
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 692
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1118



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots"If Only Hearts Were That Simple"dots
    -------------------------------------------


    In everything, there is tears
    no sorrow is untold
    but my fears are less simple
    as the plot unfolds:

    the clock ticks
    the watch slips of the cocked wrist
    pointed heavy, the pun
    load and lock this
    spotless bullet of words
    she revealed to me
    even more the absurd
    they appealed to me
    even more than the hurt
    that i wrote with the pen
    my heart was soaked
    in a load of pretend
    when i wrote
    i devoted the pen
    when i spoke
    i denoted the when
    where and how,
    but was slow to defend
    my own actions-
    know the intent
    to preserve her own dignity
    know she's a friend

    ---*or even better yet, was*---

    and if only hearts were that simple
    and mine were unbound
    i was waiting for a "thank you"
    but didn't hear a sound
    if only hearts were that simple
    so i took the blame
    made myself look bad
    so she wouldn't look the same.....




    Submitted on 2009-05-04 10:47:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Ah AE i like it. you can see the speaker wearing his heart on his sleeve but trying to just nod goodbye to her as she gives him "lets be freinds" speech and breaks his heart. your rhyming was nice as usual. in some places it felt a little drawn out but it was very enjoyable to read.

    (thanks for you kind words on my little poem Backing Up, I like being called a genious)

    thank you for the great write!

    Ash
    | Posted on 2009-12-12 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    173983

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    The World written by jjd

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry