Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Mom of the year.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: locutus
    Elite Ratio:    4.21 - 29/34/35
    Words: 308
    Class/Type: Misc/Friendship
    Total Views: 592
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1786



    Description:
       a rough draft...endlessly...i say it much better lol.,


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMom of the year.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    my poor girl, faking kisses at evening balls,
    standing beside a man that is not worthy of carrying his overweight carcass around.
    much less residing with such a tender goddess.
    her sadness portrayed in a obvious way, backing a selfish man.
    she has the loveliness that every soul would love to posses.
    his grotesque past would make him have the best yet despise it.
    should a woman of her stature make a fool out of me?
    so treat her..... make her an embarrassment!
    call her such names as prostitutes, have her at my feet.
    all i want is to make him happy,
    am i the right enough wife?
    am i what my mother intended me to be?
    he tells me im not enough,
    my kisses are only accepted in the abdominal area.
    but this is true love! i will back him until the end.
    the one above will see and hear my prayers.
    my girl sleeps, and she does so with me.
    i'm not talking about my wife, she's not enough...
    she could never be....
    she hurt me in the start, that bitch will never know.
    i'm my daddies boy, i'm only used to more.
    that girl is more... cant let her know,,,,
    these girls i share make me happy....
    they are as troubled as me.... are you my friend?....
    you drunken persona, always content, dumb as a mule....
    take care of my business....
    you bet i will! i will make of your body a bloody canal...
    and a vibrant spring of her lips.
    of her tangled hair (her ruined state) a breath of fresh air.
    the bad memories deceased....
    replace that overweight body with one that is made for her pleasure,
    lifting spirits and thus being well.......LOVE.




    Submitted on 2009-05-06 00:57:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This poem is a bit perplex, I was expecting more so of a poem about one person, but for some reason after reading this write twice, I can see a mixture of several people in a situation that is too far for comfort to save that moment. For some reason, I see a great deal of pain, a bit of torment, in more so of a familys view than just a mothers.

    Don't get me wrong here, I love the idea, if that is, and if it isn't I apologies for stating that it was, for I may have misinturpeted this whole write of yours.

    However, I do have several remarks about this write. One, I love it, it switches around so many views, of a bit negatory moments, yet I see them as vents. It spirals and twists almost more like a puzzle, and then it strikes you at the very ending. Isn't that of what everyone desearves in this common day of life (LOVE)?

    I wouldn't consider this as a rough art but consider this as a very unique style of writing, writing that has a mixture, writing of which in my eyes, is my favorite types of writes.

    However if I preceived this write wrong, do tell me so what I have missed. I want to learn more about this and its background if you can.

    Apprechiate it much.


    -Crest
    | Posted on 2009-06-30 00:00:00 | by Crestfallenman | [ Reply to This ]
      Ive never seen an over-weight godess date a what was it?

    an overweight carcuss.

    hmm.Illuminating.

    -Craig
    | Posted on 2009-05-06 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    174039

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Incubus written by monad
    Stretto written by saartha
    Sunt Mala Quae Libas written by MyPeriodical
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    To the Epilogue written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by Chelebel
    A Fire! A Knife! A Black Crow Calls! written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    By the bar written by expiring_touch
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry