Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Light that set me freedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: coloredstone
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 99/60/37
    Words: 224
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 866
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1393



    Description:
       The concept is mine, but my sister wrote the poem. This version is re-written by nit-picking me. Still, it needs work.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Light that set me freedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I sat crouched in a corner
    Enveloped in the darkness
    Fear had me paralyzed
    Though I wanted nothing more than to flee

    from this place, this horrible place
    A haunted house for sure
    My eyes grew wide as I looked about
    And saw the things there were to see

    A ghost looming by the wall
    A skeleton curled up on the couch
    A monster swinging on the coat rack
    All of which sneered at me

    I opened my mouth to scream
    And heard nothing come out
    Yet even if there had
    Who would have been there to hear it?

    The house was empty
    save the monster, the ghost
    the skeleton and me
    huddled in a corner, lost in fright.

    A sudden light shone
    through a crack in the door
    And with it came a warm thought:
    I am not alone, God is by my side.

    The door swung open
    And the light flooded the room
    through the screen door beyond
    I could now see-

    The ghost had become a portrait,
    elegently framed.
    The skeleton was now a comforter,
    piled on the side.
    The monster became a coat,
    swinging on the hanger.

    And as I turned again to look
    I saw the screen door lift
    The door was now open
    I was free to go home.




    Submitted on 2009-05-06 07:21:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like how the ghost and everything are just regular things that become evil in the dark.
    I really like the last part when the light comes in and the thought that brings warmth. Its true, when you are feeling scared and you remember God, you feel instantly safer.
    | Posted on 2009-12-09 00:00:00 | by IYusuf | [ Reply to This ]
      i love this. i think all kinds of evil use fear more then anything to hold us back. when i was little i had terrible insomnia so i would lay in bed for hours every night trying to fall asleep and sometimes id hear like creaking a few feet away, or voices speaking jibberish but they sounded like they were right in my ear. i was 6-12 when this happened but id sit up in my bed and cry and stare into the darkness, afraid to yell afraid to move. i always left the hallway light on and the door open. all i had to do was jump out of bed and sprint to the hall way, to light, to safety, but i never did. fear held me there until i fell back asleep.

    its cool that you added God in there. like we dont have to be afraid, or run away anymore. we can tell the light in the hall way to come to us and it will. just saying Christs name makes the shadows tremble(the monsters and skeletons and ghosts). we know one day everythings going to be revealed, and those big scary monsters are going to be reduced to nothing in His presence. theyll be blankets and coats, broken on the floor. ha, and well step on them as we walk to the hallway, walk Home.

    heh. i loved this.
    | Posted on 2009-08-21 00:00:00 | by Theophilus | [ Reply to This ]
      cute story, yeah i had a problem like that,things seeming like monsters or such. but its better when u turn the light on say bismillah & poke it slowly. well thats how i would deal with it.
    | Posted on 2009-06-03 00:00:00 | by geekyslacker | [ Reply to This ]
      Man! the dark always plays tricks on me. Darkness is yet the absence of light.

    i love your little stories, its like they come to life!

    There is this one movie i watched where a doll sits on the dresser and all i could think of was that when i read this because it came to life when it was dark.

    Buster
    | Posted on 2009-05-07 00:00:00 | by BusterLILblock | [ Reply to This ]
      oh man, when i was a wee kid i had this mexican bandito marionette that hung from a hook in the ceiling in the corner of my room...

    scared me nightly. with his twin six shooters and crazy sombrero, i just knew he was gonna climb down from that hook and...

    so then, overall assessment eh? well all in all i would say this is pretty well written, i think it's the form that throws me a little. could be just me but this really wanted to read like a straightforward story, something more in the vein of prose rather than broken up into short stanzas. also i noticed the rhyme scheme ending the first three verses and then there was no mo?
    guess my only sorta suggestion would be to mess with different forms, but like i said, could be just me.
    | Posted on 2009-05-06 00:00:00 | by milovelocity | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    174047

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    prison written by ShyOne
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Cover written by saartha
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    The World written by jjd
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Love written by saartha
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry