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    dots Submission Name: The Light that set me freedots

    Author: coloredstone
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 99/60/37
    Words: 224
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1163
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1393

       The concept is mine, but my sister wrote the poem. This version is re-written by nit-picking me. Still, it needs work.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Light that set me freedots

    I sat crouched in a corner
    Enveloped in the darkness
    Fear had me paralyzed
    Though I wanted nothing more than to flee

    from this place, this horrible place
    A haunted house for sure
    My eyes grew wide as I looked about
    And saw the things there were to see

    A ghost looming by the wall
    A skeleton curled up on the couch
    A monster swinging on the coat rack
    All of which sneered at me

    I opened my mouth to scream
    And heard nothing come out
    Yet even if there had
    Who would have been there to hear it?

    The house was empty
    save the monster, the ghost
    the skeleton and me
    huddled in a corner, lost in fright.

    A sudden light shone
    through a crack in the door
    And with it came a warm thought:
    I am not alone, God is by my side.

    The door swung open
    And the light flooded the room
    through the screen door beyond
    I could now see-

    The ghost had become a portrait,
    elegently framed.
    The skeleton was now a comforter,
    piled on the side.
    The monster became a coat,
    swinging on the hanger.

    And as I turned again to look
    I saw the screen door lift
    The door was now open
    I was free to go home.

    Submitted on 2009-05-06 07:21:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like how the ghost and everything are just regular things that become evil in the dark.
    I really like the last part when the light comes in and the thought that brings warmth. Its true, when you are feeling scared and you remember God, you feel instantly safer.
    | Posted on 2009-12-09 00:00:00 | by IYusuf | [ Reply to This ]
      i love this. i think all kinds of evil use fear more then anything to hold us back. when i was little i had terrible insomnia so i would lay in bed for hours every night trying to fall asleep and sometimes id hear like creaking a few feet away, or voices speaking jibberish but they sounded like they were right in my ear. i was 6-12 when this happened but id sit up in my bed and cry and stare into the darkness, afraid to yell afraid to move. i always left the hallway light on and the door open. all i had to do was jump out of bed and sprint to the hall way, to light, to safety, but i never did. fear held me there until i fell back asleep.

    its cool that you added God in there. like we dont have to be afraid, or run away anymore. we can tell the light in the hall way to come to us and it will. just saying Christs name makes the shadows tremble(the monsters and skeletons and ghosts). we know one day everythings going to be revealed, and those big scary monsters are going to be reduced to nothing in His presence. theyll be blankets and coats, broken on the floor. ha, and well step on them as we walk to the hallway, walk Home.

    heh. i loved this.
    | Posted on 2009-08-21 00:00:00 | by Theophilus | [ Reply to This ]
      cute story, yeah i had a problem like that,things seeming like monsters or such. but its better when u turn the light on say bismillah & poke it slowly. well thats how i would deal with it.
    | Posted on 2009-06-03 00:00:00 | by geekyslacker | [ Reply to This ]
      Man! the dark always plays tricks on me. Darkness is yet the absence of light.

    i love your little stories, its like they come to life!

    There is this one movie i watched where a doll sits on the dresser and all i could think of was that when i read this because it came to life when it was dark.

    | Posted on 2009-05-07 00:00:00 | by BusterLILblock | [ Reply to This ]
      oh man, when i was a wee kid i had this mexican bandito marionette that hung from a hook in the ceiling in the corner of my room...

    scared me nightly. with his twin six shooters and crazy sombrero, i just knew he was gonna climb down from that hook and...

    so then, overall assessment eh? well all in all i would say this is pretty well written, i think it's the form that throws me a little. could be just me but this really wanted to read like a straightforward story, something more in the vein of prose rather than broken up into short stanzas. also i noticed the rhyme scheme ending the first three verses and then there was no mo?
    guess my only sorta suggestion would be to mess with different forms, but like i said, could be just me.
    | Posted on 2009-05-06 00:00:00 | by milovelocity | [ Reply to This ]

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