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    dots Submission Name: Within the Purple Scarfdots

    Author: rubymoon
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 155/162/91
    Words: 230
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 720
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2314


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWithin the Purple Scarfdots

    With you, I am

    lying here, trembling

    from the feel of you besides me.

    Of your voice echoing in my mind,

    especially the imprint of you on my soul,

    there is no way for me to escape,

    even if the door is wide open,

    I wonít want to leave.

    You held me fast,

    ever since

    that day not long ago...

    I placed myself in your hands

    my trust, my everything

    everything that I am

    they all lies...

    with you.


    With you

    they all lies...

    everything that I am

    My trust, my everything.

    I placed myself in your hands,

    that day not long ago...

    Ever since

    you held me fast.

    I donít want to leave,

    even if the door is wide open,

    there is no way for me to escape.

    Especially the imprint of you on my soul,

    of your voice echoing in my mind,

    from the feel of you besides me.

    Lying here, trembling

    With you, I am

    Submitted on 2009-05-06 09:11:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Well this is clever, with the whole reversal/mirror image style you have used here. Which is great because it adds something unique to your persona...it shows, maybe sub-consciously, that you are aware tht it takes two people to forge a relationship, two people to keep it together, and two people to break it up.
    Your write ooozes passion and feelings towards another, and I'd hazard a guess that this is closely linked to your own feelings when you wrote this.
    The only thing I would mention is the extra 's' you have put on some of the words 'from the feel of you besides me', i personally think sounds better 'from the feel of you beside me'. Its only little, but i thought id mention it :)
    Anyway i thought this was a good meaningful write, with a touch of individuality in mirroring the verses.
    Keep it up :)

    Mstr Rz
    | Posted on 2009-06-22 00:00:00 | by master raz | [ Reply to This ]

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