Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Within the Purple Scarfdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rubymoon
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 155/162/91
    Words: 230
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 687
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2314



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWithin the Purple Scarfdots
    -------------------------------------------


    With you, I am

    lying here, trembling

    from the feel of you besides me.

    Of your voice echoing in my mind,

    especially the imprint of you on my soul,

    there is no way for me to escape,

    even if the door is wide open,

    I wonít want to leave.

    You held me fast,

    ever since

    that day not long ago...

    I placed myself in your hands

    my trust, my everything

    everything that I am

    they all lies...

    with you.


    ~~~


    With you

    they all lies...

    everything that I am

    My trust, my everything.

    I placed myself in your hands,

    that day not long ago...

    Ever since

    you held me fast.

    I donít want to leave,

    even if the door is wide open,

    there is no way for me to escape.

    Especially the imprint of you on my soul,

    of your voice echoing in my mind,

    from the feel of you besides me.

    Lying here, trembling

    With you, I am




    Submitted on 2009-05-06 09:11:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Well this is clever, with the whole reversal/mirror image style you have used here. Which is great because it adds something unique to your persona...it shows, maybe sub-consciously, that you are aware tht it takes two people to forge a relationship, two people to keep it together, and two people to break it up.
    Your write ooozes passion and feelings towards another, and I'd hazard a guess that this is closely linked to your own feelings when you wrote this.
    The only thing I would mention is the extra 's' you have put on some of the words 'from the feel of you besides me', i personally think sounds better 'from the feel of you beside me'. Its only little, but i thought id mention it :)
    Anyway i thought this was a good meaningful write, with a touch of individuality in mirroring the verses.
    Keep it up :)

    Mstr Rz
    | Posted on 2009-06-22 00:00:00 | by master raz | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    174052

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Records I written by Raphael
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Dream written by closetpoet
    prison written by ShyOne
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Cover written by saartha
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry