Heart by Raphael

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Submission Name: Heart dots

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Author:	Raphael
ASL Info:	20/Masculine/Eire
Elite Ratio:	8 - 652/306/135
Words:	96

Class/Type:	Poetry/Serious
Total Views:	171
Average Vote:	3.2857
Bytes:	637

Description:
Yes I am aware of the word "wanderlust".

Heart

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I am not selfish,

You burden me with your salt-raw emotions,
Stiffen me up with half-baked dreams.
If I beat not in regiment,
Then do not ask me to be.

Know that this is more than your pumping processor.
They made me wild and lean
Wanderlost, sing longings for the sea.

If you nail me to that bed-rock of a breast,
Then I promise you dearly, endless shall you palpitate.

For you are come to thrust the flutter of my ever impulse
Homeward.

Submitted on 2009-05-09 12:40:01 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  'If you nail me to that bed-rock of a breast,
Then I promise you dearly, endless shall you palpitate'

Oh. This is one of those poems that makes me ache.

That one line says it all. Have faith, little heart.

I think you got the balance between style and feeling perfect.

This is quiet, but powerful.

Not a very helpful comment, I'm sorry.

Aly
| Posted on 2009-07-13 00:00:00 | by AlyRose | [ Reply to This ]
  pumping processor?

shut up.

please.
| Posted on 2009-05-24 00:00:00 | by SmellMyFinger | [ Reply to This ]
  Eh...I have seen more passion in a blade of grass growing.
| Posted on 2009-05-18 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
  Know that this is more than your pumping processor.

Hey, that's a really cool line. I don't really know what to make of this poem, though. May have misread or misinterpreted a few lines. Maybe I don't understand this poem at all, but then again that's nothing new. Anyway, I really like the way you worded this one. It's all acidic and (maybe) self-deprecating at times ("You burden me with your salt-raw emotions").
Heh. Yeah, anyway, this is a cool write. I think I'm going to have to read it again.
| Posted on 2009-05-15 00:00:00 | by Lacrimosa | [ Reply to This ]
  hahaha, someone knocked you down to a 3.4

see you got to tuck your feet in on the entry,

and take off the sombrero....

you were great through the air though.

[diving]

10!
| Posted on 2009-05-12 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
  But seriously, if you hope to be pleased by every poem, or if you hope to please everyone with every poem then what are you, but a mug on a mug's mission.

For me this poem is finely balanced and contains so much that is worthy of discussion that it is better not to wade in with an eyesaw this and and eyesaw that. And when I say 'eyesaw' I'm referring to why i didn't say that.

I might have written 200 words on this and never got any closer to what i wanted to say, because i see it as finely balanced and as speaking volumes.

That's just me though-- and for those of you don't know I was only

half kidding about the LG deal :P
| Posted on 2009-05-10 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
  It's rude to comment on critique, but I agree with the first two.

And I'm a literary Giant.

That is all.
| Posted on 2009-05-10 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
  I dunno. Overwritten perhaps? Or maybe underwritten if there is such a thing. The words used are very stiff and grey. Why may I ask? There is no sense to this word usage, other than by itself. Even so it fails to hold weight. You need more emotion in your work...
| Posted on 2009-05-10 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
  lol@1.0000
| Posted on 2009-05-10 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
  Actually I think this one bears being read hundreds of times, and maybe then, maybe then I'll question some of the minute details surrounding not the phrasing but the individual word.

This one will take some trumping.

post script...

very refreshing, and consider that a humble assessment.

However what the people need is freedom--
and I go now to make sure they have it.

consider that less humble.

and a rip off of William Gibson-Wallace
| Posted on 2009-05-09 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
  i love it.

i hate the fact that i can relate so well.
sometime i think it's adressing me, but that'sthe whole concience thin i'm starting to remember.

now i'm sayi i hate that i relate cuz i'm stuck on thoe aspects and i want to try to be helpful.

i suck at that though, [censored] i don't know how i write.

i like the use of the word Wanderlost.......fits for what it's describing. i think it even keeps everything tied into something nice rythmically.

I like the line of beating not in regiment.
being a group or two.

like a heart beat that wanders.

nice.

this goes a little venemous. i like it.

think i mis-represented some things here and there, just need to say i appreciate th wanderlost, sing longings for the sea.

i'm not a sailor,(not sure that's anything close t what u mean)

meh. i'm goin off point.

i like the heart.

we need in between number votes.
is there like a 4.7?
| Posted on 2009-05-09 00:00:00 | by cornonthekob | [ Reply to This ]
  Very.

Yes.

Great.

E
N
V
I
A
B
L
E.

True talk though... and this is a nothing comment after a skim read.

I like it though.

V
E
R
Y

M
U
C
H

S
O.
| Posted on 2009-05-09 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]

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