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    dots Submission Name: daysdots

    Author: joezwells
    Elite Ratio:    3.81 - 64/78/54
    Words: 78
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 682
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 422


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    two day ago i was just me
    two days later i dont know who to be
    two days ago i was sitting with him
    two days later im sitting with sin

    three days ago i was so free
    three days later im down on my knees
    three days ago life was so great
    three days later i had to face my fate

    yesterday i sat an cried
    today i stood up a realized i hadn't died

    Submitted on 2009-05-12 21:04:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      whoo... although its shorter than most i read it speaks... the words come alive. At first i didn't like how it repeated at the beginning of every line but after reading it, I'd have it no other way

    | Posted on 2009-06-08 00:00:00 | by jackz | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree wit stormy, you could probably add a lil more to this, but then it'd probably become drawn out and boring. So for the sake of keepin your readers attention keep it the way it is just fix the typos (if they are indeed typos) and if possible use some different wording, something that will imply a lil more than the surface meaning.

    Nice repetition though, and it ain't a half bad sonnet. Didn't do the count but I recognize the form.

    It's a good poem none the less. From what I took from it, some relationships can be taxing. But after its all over, and the storm clouds clear, you realize your still standin and none the worse for the wear.

    Good Write
    | Posted on 2009-05-13 00:00:00 | by red_summer | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this and even the repetivieness doesnt feel too much...however i feel as though there i s a lost beggining or middle to this ..i might be wrong but it feels incomplete as though this is only a snippet of what could be a fantastic piece...
    | Posted on 2009-05-12 00:00:00 | by stormyskies | [ Reply to This ]

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