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    dots Submission Name: torndots

    Author: Beulah
    Elite Ratio:    4.78 - 588/414/44
    Words: 22
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 614
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 188


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    I am

    the moment
    of unguarded
    pain in your eyes

    with disdain

    through your
    carefully patterned

    Submitted on 2009-05-13 09:25:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      you do short well.

    it seems that you can squeeze a quart of angst into a pint pot quite comfortably, although in this case, comfortably seems to be an inappropriate choice of adverb...

    but there it is: better-expressed misery in 7 short lines than a herd of emo's might manage if they all sat down and tapped blindly at typewriter keys for a month.

    crikey mate, better out than in as they say and it all fits perfectly, in a way that you'd rather it fitted if you were writing about bunnies.

    instead of a life.

    and calculated indifference will do it every time.

    take it easy b,

    | Posted on 2009-05-20 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]

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