Adam by Raphael

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Submission Name: Adam dots

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Author:	Raphael
ASL Info:	20/Masculine/Eire
Elite Ratio:	8 - 652/306/135
Words:	94

Class/Type:	Poetry/Serious
Total Views:	174
Average Vote:	1.8000
Bytes:	584

Description:
More of a cut-out from something Id like to finish, but as it is so short I guess Ill just call it a poem.

Adam

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Everything is massive, it has its own pulse, thuds and thumps and it should not have breadth. Eyes open, shooting out of the molten ground, all around the earth is hot white, it's running, it is screaming.

Mutant springs root up from the rock, things in the far off places. It splits and is pounding.

Where is it's face? Where is it's face?

Always, there was someone watching the birds. Now unbeknownst, it is heavy and guttural, with no love lost between the two.

Submitted on 2009-05-14 11:20:10 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  "Always, there was someone watching the birds."

That someone would be me.
Constantly.
Wherever I hear them sing.
Filling the streets and trees so as to be
an annoyance to some, but a melody to me.

I wonder if birds ever go people-watching.

~Asia
| Posted on 2009-06-28 00:00:00 | by AsiaticFox | [ Reply to This ]
  smells like content
| Posted on 2009-05-24 00:00:00 | by blackbird | [ Reply to This ]
  thought I'd double check...

still terrible. really, really bad. really. bad.

not good.

at all.
| Posted on 2009-05-24 00:00:00 | by SmellMyFinger | [ Reply to This ]
  should a beetle crawl into the rear aperture of this and feel fully liberated in its dancing and musing we women of the harem would venture that this is not evidence of freeverse or poetry, but that all the goats bottoms were booked in advance.

Hatma.
| Posted on 2009-05-24 00:00:00 | by HatmaOfHarem | [ Reply to This ]
  excellent.

you're what, 14, 15?

20?

oh, well then, this is terrible. you have no skill.

shooting out of the molten ground, all around the earth is hot white, it's running, it is screaming.

wow. so intense.

boring.

| Posted on 2009-05-24 00:00:00 | by SmellMyFinger | [ Reply to This ]
  If I read this [and i am] it makes me think of the movie 'predator' in the way that something is seen through a different light-- and so I see this poet guy who is seeing and hearing and feeling in ways that are not human,

he experiences the world and existence in his own right
and so at once everything is old familiar and massive in him because of this awakening.

creation.

and the lines about the birds, and no love lost between the two are brilliant because of the associations i can make and the guttural response it draws my intuition to.

this guy is in the spirit world...

or at least these are the types of feelings and instinct the poem draws from me.

draws from me: = key words when tied to poetry.

and that's why i say you are getting into your work.

and you know this.
| Posted on 2009-05-15 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
  the birth of God

consciousness, dream heavy
before the dawn was bent
rolled over in eternal expanse
slumbered in infinite, embryonic void
imagined itself awake
thought itself alive
and labored for breath
watched itself struggle
and accomplish turning inside out
perfection enabling itself
energy producing itself
birthed in ultraviolet light
wrapped itself in life
realized itself alone...
| Posted on 2009-05-15 00:00:00 | by ma | [ Reply to This ]
  this is ver powerful, aggresive, guttural.

'it should not have breadth' - brilliant. I first read it as breath; and it brought me into this image of a suffocating, ravaged, paranoic, wild-eyed earth, a caged haunted animal ----

where is its face? where is its face? ( a nitpick here - u don't need an ' )
- screaming on top of its lungs, with foam at the mouth ----

and a cold quenching ending - - - with no love lost between the two.

high praise for this one.

| Posted on 2009-05-15 00:00:00 | by expiring_touch | [ Reply to This ]
  Is it about how the earth gave birth to itself?
| Posted on 2009-05-15 00:00:00 | by Lacrimosa | [ Reply to This ]
  yup. You are getting into your work now.

I fuc king love this one.

All those perilous moods connected by sound made evocative.
| Posted on 2009-05-14 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]

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