Experimental Love -------------------------------------------
I could not post the piece here as i used two different colors to show the two individuals talking. I have posted it here "http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/rubymoon/410687/" and I would be really grateful for any reviews and / or comments you might have. Thank you
hey ruby (tuesday)
at first i'd like to say that this would be a great poem if the link would be non-existent. somehow dylanesque...
what i'm trying to say is that it would make fun of sites dealing with poetry.
second, i think its just strange rating your poem as mature. 12-year olds would go crazy reading this? really?
so without having read any words, you could say its remarkable(and experimental).
the actual poem is hm rather unexperienced than experimental. how should i put it...
i think i'm getting what you're trying to do. but the experimental thing about the poem is the way you write not love you write about. so maybe you're talking more of you're experiment to the thing you love. the love portrayed is just a disguise. wow. if thats on purpose, cool. otherwise... hm
isn't there any other way to describe what you're talking about? i think the way you did it has seen a lot of visitors.
dont get me wrong here i dont want to be impolite.
very romantic though haha.
"i want this first to be special"
watch out so you dont get cheesy.
"i wanted this first to be special" would be more realistic. in my experience... er...
sorry. i'm usually tempted to be romantic, too.
too much said.
I'm tired and in a garrulous mood.
good night my lady.
coffe and tv,