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    dots Submission Name: Those memoriesdots

    Author: devil666
    ASL Info:    26/M/NewHampshire
    Elite Ratio:    1.63 - 9/50/38
    Words: 604
    Class/Type: Story/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 774
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3857


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThose memoriesdots

    How can I ever forget times like these?
    Sweetsmelling flowers and honeybees.
    It was all good till fate played a prank,
    Still remember sunset by that river bank.

    On a beautiful evening with my new car in motion,
    Saw the sun setting and drowning in the ocean.
    Everything so perfect, on a bright Saturday,
    Humming my favourite tune all along the way.

    Mind was in a state of peace and total bliss,
    Driving home to meet my lovely wife & kids.
    Impatience made me drive faster than usual,
    A call from my wife, the feeling was mutual.

    Could'nt wait to get home and make love all night,
    Wake up in her arms and the sun shining bright.
    Thoughts of my lovely wife, a constant distraction,
    Feeling thirsty as hell so I stopped at an old mansion.

    Looked like a deserted home, probably haunted,
    Knocked on the door but nobody responded.
    Retraced my steps but then I stopped soon after,
    Heard sounds of animals and splashing water.

    Much to my surprise, I saw a small flowing brook,
    My thirst was quenched by so many sips that I took.
    Feeling accomplished, then I was walking back slowly,
    Heard rustling leaves and saw something very unholy.

    Peering at me were blood-red eyes in a black cloak,
    Chill ran down my spine, I thought I'd die of a stroke.
    Standing 7feet tall, saw the ghostly figure coming near,
    My face now turned white as a sheet and pale with fear.

    Coming towards me with a monsterous laughter,
    I started fleeing to escape that hideous bastard.
    Ran towards my car like it was a 100 metre dash,
    Started the engine fast and I was off in a flash.

    Drove like a speed racer at 120 miles an hour,
    Felt I was still being watched by evil powers.
    Dark clouds moving like they were to follow me,
    Seemed like fearsome faces, about to swallow me.

    Sky turned purple and deafening sounds of thunder,
    How did everything change so quickly, I wondered.
    "You will die tonight" I heard a spooky, whispering voice,
    Saw blood on my windshield, couldn't believe my eyes.

    Thumping sounds on my car and saw flashes of lightning,
    Heard bloodcurdling growls, it was so damn frightening.
    Drove even faster, I already knew my life was in danger,
    Felt death hovering around my neck like a giant razor.

    Hands on my steering wheel shaking, so were my knees,
    Couldn't keep still like I had that Parkinson's disease.
    Put the Bible on my lap and said "God save me please"
    All I wanted is from Jesus is to reach home in one piece.

    Didn't stop till I reached the entrance of my house,
    At the gate, I saw my beautiful kids and spouse.
    Heaved a sigh of relief and took a long deep breath,
    So narrowly had I escaped from the jaws of death.

    Went straight to the shower and took a hot bath,
    Drank water to calm down my rapidly beating heart.
    Embraced my wife tight, like it's our honeymoon,
    Feeling cold as ice in the warm month of June.

    That monsterous laughter still invading my thoughts.
    Unable to get rid of it, like it it's a fricking blood clot.
    Eyes closed but senses awake, exercising caution,
    Slept late, three at night out of sheer exhaustion.

    Woke up in the morning to birds singing & chirping,
    Thanked Jesus for everything and counted my blessings.
    Unpleasant memories still fresh after all these years,
    Like a motion picture, I still see it vivid and clear.

    Submitted on 2009-05-17 04:13:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I agree with poe, though I will certainly elaborate more than he did.

    The story struck me as very haphazard, almost as though you had no idea what you were writing until you started. Maybe some of it is symbolic, but nonetheless I find myself confused.

    Some of the rhymes were good but I became disappointed quite I few times when you broke the cadence or tried to rhyme two words that did not fit.

    Pretty good job, regardless.
    | Posted on 2009-05-18 00:00:00 | by Nathaufein | [ Reply to This ]
      The imagery is very prevelant- really stands out to me. The fear behind the speaker is immensely felt. I also liked how your rhymes weren't forced and actually helped the flow of the poem.
    | Posted on 2009-05-18 00:00:00 | by ImperfectGirl1 | [ Reply to This ]
      very odd. poe
    | Posted on 2009-05-17 00:00:00 | by poetotoe | [ Reply to This ]

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