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    dots Submission Name: nighmares embracedots

    Author: joezwells
    Elite Ratio:    3.81 - 64/78/54
    Words: 148
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 817
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1051


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    dotsnighmares embracedots

    days that float away
    bring nights that never that stay the same
    nightmares overcast as dreams of sweet are quickly tamed
    dancing in the gardens of hell
    betrayl runs through my veins
    lifeless motions, paralyzed by fear
    relflections of pasts, leaking through the mirror
    images blur, thoughts become unsure
    the faster i swim, deeper into slumber i submerge
    risks of waking never seem in grasp
    gasping for a conscious breath
    mysterious forces find my unconscious death
    mythological demonds restrain sanity
    breaking through the barier of my humanity
    humiliating, deceitful, anything but humble
    attempts of escape, my pleas turn to mumbles
    accepting im trapped in a fate i cannot dispose
    oppurtunities of survival, they finally arose
    beofre i get the chance to embarce
    i wake in a conscious state, as my heart and tears continue to race
    conscious or not, im still trapped in nightmares embrace

    Submitted on 2009-05-18 13:39:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Very thoughtful piece on the power of the human mind and how "dreams" and "nightmares" can truly get in the way of what we want with our lives. Anyone that has had a strong enough dream or nightmare can identify with this poem, but it also applies to negative thoughts that may or may not act as indicators for what's to happen in your life.

    As far as I can see, spelling errors and on-and-off rhyme schemes dominate your work, and I can respect you not wanting to tamper with a piece onces it's done. I find it very difficult to do myself. But the poem is very strong as is, so maybe a quick revision is in order?

    Besides that, the only question I had was with the repetition of embrace in the final three lines. Was that on purpose, or did it just kind of pop out in writing? If it's the latter, consider changing it. Seeing two of the same word so close without meaning can be bad form.

    But your message, as always, is very strong. You use good descriptions to help the reader make their way through the piece, and it has an extremely strong flow from beginning to middle to end.

    Another solid piece, but give revision a chance!

    | Posted on 2009-07-23 00:00:00 | by SnakeBite7 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, this says it all for me. Its as if we're running on a treadmill and we're not getting anywhere! Wanting so badly to awake from these awful thoughts/feelings. And yet I also want to remain sleeping to see what is happening in this nightmare of mine. I've be always felt that dreams and nightmares are partly true, what part well that's why I want to stay along and see. I've always been one to kind of wonder after waking from a nightmare... looking for an answer wondering. Well nevertheless this is a great write. I'm surprised to see only my comment I'm going to begin stalking you hehe b/c your write are amazing :-D

    | Posted on 2009-06-08 00:00:00 | by jackz | [ Reply to This ]

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