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    dots Submission Name: A Crush of Feelingsdots

    Author: ImperfectGirl1
    ASL Info:    19 f USA
    Elite Ratio:    2.66 - 33/57/33
    Words: 114
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 570
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 739


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    dotsA Crush of Feelingsdots

    To share a look
    Brings surging emotions
    That seep over me
    Like the waves of the ocean.
    When you talk to me
    My heart starts to flutter
    Into the clouds
    Like a beautiful butterfly.
    To listen to each other
    With such undeniable interest
    Makes it harder to breathe
    As if being crushed by the smallest feather.
    When you walk with me
    There is an extra hop in my step
    Like a little girl skipping
    To the candy store.
    To joke with you
    Brings out the laughter
    Like the funniest movie
    Rewatched a thousand times.
    When you surprise me
    I float in the air
    Like a balloon on its
    Way to Cloud 9

    Submitted on 2009-05-18 15:35:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    3: meh!
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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      the whole thing flowed very nicely. I like how you said "To listen to each other with undeniable interest" That struck me, because when you are in love you do want to listen when your partner talks. Very nicely done
    | Posted on 2009-05-19 00:00:00 | by GoddessShakti | [ Reply to This ]
      These verses potray the love and the sizzling chemistry between two people in love. The use of simple, child like rhymes (Like a little girl skipping to the candy store) makes it easier for the reader to relate to. It shows us that no matter what two people (in love) do, be it bathing, watching movies or eating, its always going to be enjoyable. The love and the intense desire to know, listen and be with each other all the time makes everything in the world look beautiful. This is the message that I get when I read this piece. Good job. Keep writing.
    | Posted on 2009-05-18 00:00:00 | by devil666 | [ Reply to This ]
      There were some absolutely awesome lines in this poem. They were creative and had a smooth cadence and rhyme.

    I liked the poem generally but I think that the flow could use some work. Just polish it off a little, and it will make a good poem.

    Good Job.
    | Posted on 2009-05-18 00:00:00 | by Nathaufein | [ Reply to This ]

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