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    dots Submission Name: trappeddots

    Author: joezwells
    Elite Ratio:    3.81 - 64/78/54
    Words: 325
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1133
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 2008


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    traces of tears are tracked on my face
    gods saving grace i long to embrace
    memories haunt and cant be erased
    trapped in moment, i continue to pace

    everything within my grasp
    searching for the answers somewehre in my past
    feeling like the social outcast
    i take my seat in the back of the class

    knowing where im not going
    looking for the cure to the pain im not showing
    searching for the life of all knowing
    all the while i still dont know where im going

    wanted so bad to just be me
    longing for the fulfillment of feeling free
    breaking down and praying on my knees
    i need some guidence, god help me please

    desierable highs i no longer seek
    another hit wont help for i cant peak
    asking for another round, those words i can not speak
    a life once so serect, now so bleak

    paying the price for all the lies
    retrieving my trust by exposing old alibies
    not expepting sympathy for my cries
    telling the truth is my old lifes suicide

    seven years ago i made a desesion
    i fell to deep and chose to ignore my religon
    nightmares tell me in horrific visions
    i did it all wrong, i made the worng desicion

    traveling a road i have never been down
    its cold and lonely and my face is frawnd
    sometimes i wonder away form these grounds
    but not to far because i know now to every decison i make i am bound

    surrounded by spirits of torment and hate
    letting go is the only way to open the gate
    punishing myself for attracting this fate
    looking around i realize im disappointments bate.

    traces of tears are tracked on my face
    gods saving grace i long to embrace
    memories haunt and cant be erased
    trapped in moment, i continue to pace

    Submitted on 2009-05-19 21:02:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      mmm a bit long for my liking but who am i to talk a lot of my write are considerably long as well. Anyhew it seems as if you dragged it out a bit much, maybe think about take a few things out of there and in turn it'll leave us (your readers) wondering... wanting more... leave us with thoughts and questions rather than leaving us with the end result.


    Just a thought, not trying to come across as a know it all
    I do like it just thought it could come out better if you made a few changes
    | Posted on 2009-06-06 00:00:00 | by jackz | [ Reply to This ]

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