Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: trappeddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: joezwells
    Elite Ratio:    3.81 - 64/78/54
    Words: 325
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1099
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 2008



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotstrappeddots
    -------------------------------------------


    traces of tears are tracked on my face
    gods saving grace i long to embrace
    memories haunt and cant be erased
    trapped in moment, i continue to pace

    everything within my grasp
    searching for the answers somewehre in my past
    feeling like the social outcast
    i take my seat in the back of the class

    knowing where im not going
    looking for the cure to the pain im not showing
    searching for the life of all knowing
    all the while i still dont know where im going

    wanted so bad to just be me
    longing for the fulfillment of feeling free
    breaking down and praying on my knees
    i need some guidence, god help me please

    desierable highs i no longer seek
    another hit wont help for i cant peak
    asking for another round, those words i can not speak
    a life once so serect, now so bleak

    paying the price for all the lies
    retrieving my trust by exposing old alibies
    not expepting sympathy for my cries
    telling the truth is my old lifes suicide

    seven years ago i made a desesion
    i fell to deep and chose to ignore my religon
    nightmares tell me in horrific visions
    i did it all wrong, i made the worng desicion

    traveling a road i have never been down
    its cold and lonely and my face is frawnd
    sometimes i wonder away form these grounds
    but not to far because i know now to every decison i make i am bound

    surrounded by spirits of torment and hate
    letting go is the only way to open the gate
    punishing myself for attracting this fate
    looking around i realize im disappointments bate.

    traces of tears are tracked on my face
    gods saving grace i long to embrace
    memories haunt and cant be erased
    trapped in moment, i continue to pace










    Submitted on 2009-05-19 21:02:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      mmm a bit long for my liking but who am i to talk a lot of my write are considerably long as well. Anyhew it seems as if you dragged it out a bit much, maybe think about take a few things out of there and in turn it'll leave us (your readers) wondering... wanting more... leave us with thoughts and questions rather than leaving us with the end result.

    Jackz

    Just a thought, not trying to come across as a know it all
    I do like it just thought it could come out better if you made a few changes
    | Posted on 2009-06-06 00:00:00 | by jackz | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    174597

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Chapter written by Crestfallenman
    Tidal written by OneDarkFlame92
    TSC written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Hazy Half-Moon written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Moon and Me written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Don't Tell Me You Love Me written by homeless
    coping mechanism written by cornonthekob
    Chèvrefeuille written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Would You... written by rev.jpfadeproof
    I Wonder If written by Wolfwatching
    Reveled Night written by rev.jpfadeproof
    After a Dream written by KeeperOfLight
    'Cause You're Mine, I Walk the Line. written by Torie
    Still written by rev.jpfadeproof
    I Believed written by homeless
    The Phoenetians and Us written by Torie
    Blank Page written by Chelebel
    Two written by homeless
    Blinded by Sight written by Torie
    Revised written by Darkwarrior
    Forget written by Crestfallenman
    burning confusion written by cornonthekob
    Wisp of You written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Fizzy Love written by rev.jpfadeproof
    One Time Is Good written by Daniel Barlow
    Untitled 2 written by homeless
    Confessions and shit... written by Daniel Barlow
    Outside the Chain written by Wolfwatching
    No More Damn Love Poems written by rev.jpfadeproof
    April 1, 2018 written by homeless

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry