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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Away From Heredots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: EmpathicAya
    ASL Info:    13+6/unMale/Your Mind
    Elite Ratio:    7.66 - 665/396/86
    Words: 149
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 60
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1316



    Description:
       Ah, there's so much I still don't understand.

    Come back, or stay away?
    ~Azura*


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAway From Heredots
    -------------------------------------------


    In a state where
    walking felt
    grounded
    and
    grounded felt as walking,

    I am ripples
    in stagnant waters
    going

    Forward in stillness.
    LoveloveLove.

    With the
    sunshining
    over
    peaks
    and crevices,

    movement and sound
    go
    unnoticed while
    in full effect.

    Blink an eye; hope
    the right person
    sees.

    I thought the sky blinked
    but it was
    unfathomably
    endlesslovecrashing
    into the waves.
    Drowning.

    True sunlight was instilled
    in the caress of your
                right
    eye to my
    left,

    but you
    were a(n) dilating/
    undilating
    lie.

    Through
    darkness I caught most.

    I got
    new glasses, but you're
    still a blur.

    It's unfair. You're still so
    breathtakingly beautiful;
    the moon through
    Suicide Falls.






    Submitted on 2009-05-20 10:30:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      
    The last few lines make me think what the moon would look like through tear-filled eyes . . . a vision I can recall because it's a familiar one. Even in its blurriness, the memory remains stark.

    I don't know why no one has commented on this--anyone who has been through this kind of pain, love, loss, or confusion can most certainly relate. This poem is a vessel of healing.

    This probably does not ask for critiquing, but if you're interested, all I'm going to say is to explore the depths of each individual image that you have touched on the surface. There is much left unsaid and unwritten. And the gravity that this poem contains is strong--each image has the potential to pull, pull. You could, perhaps, write a whole new poem that paints a more intricate development of this. Or not. If this has passed already, don't dwell.

    But yes--there is much untouched power behind these images.

    Alia
    | Posted on 2009-06-06 00:00:00 | by O | [ Reply to This ]


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    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



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