Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: angel wings.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rosecanfly
    ASL Info:    16/F/VA
    Elite Ratio:    2.12 - 6/16/16
    Words: 276
    Class/Type: Prose/Misc
    Total Views: 939
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1724



    Description:
       __fiction


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsangel wings.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    She's standing ankle-deep in a rain puddle; her jeans are rolled up, messy, hurried. It's not like it matters - everything is wet.

    It hasn't rained this hard since I was her age. Since I was small and lovely and still believed in happy endings. Since I was wise with youth. Since I was naive and pure.

    For a second I feel sick with envy, and with how much I suddenly hate her.

    She turns to look at me and she smiles.

    The feeling passes.

    She has mom's eyes - blue, not like the rest of us. Maybe that's why Dad can't look at her, even after all these years.

    "What is God?"

    (God is dead.)

    I say, there's no such thing as God.

    "Dad says there is."

    (Dad is dead.)

    I say, Dad doesn't know what he's talking about.

    She's moved from the puddle; her feet are muddy and the ground squelches as she walks across the yard. She drops into a squat, little hand reaching with blind curiosity into the bushes growing against the outer wall of the house.

    The feeling crawls back to me as she stands. Turns. Holds up her prize:

    A dandy lion.

    It's full and dry, every little white seedling still clinging tight to the center. Spared by the violence of the storm.

    She twirls the stem slowly between her fingers and then suddenly blows hard; the whiteness expands, flutters in the air.

    "This is God," she says through the flurry of white.



    That night I dream of angel wings.




    Submitted on 2009-05-20 20:41:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      The ONLY nitpick I have with this:

    "She turned to look at me and she smiles." IMHO should be "She turns to look at me and she smiles."

    Grammatically speaking.

    You write so well!
    | Posted on 2009-12-28 00:00:00 | by Maverique | [ Reply to This ]
      This story is beautiful, it's allegorical. "her prize"- Iliked the way you described the flower. Do you read William Blake? or Cormac McCarthy? Both writers are there somewhere in your work. Not that you have in any way plagerized, this reads totally original.

    Hope you write more like this. This was refreshing, rather than reading like some other poems/prose I've read it is capturing.

    Please write more.
    | Posted on 2009-05-25 00:00:00 | by MidnightSun89 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    174645

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    A Fire! A Knife! A Black Crow Calls! written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry